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#918149 - 08/19/05 06:48 AM Sorry for being so weird but hey, that's me :)
***musical princess*** Offline
500 Post Club Member

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 537
Loc: Newcastle, England
You know, if you don't like physics or jokes i wouldn't even bother reading any further. \:\)

Q: What's the easiest way to observe Doppler's effect optically (not accoustically) in one's everyday life?
A: Go out in the evening and look at the cars. They lights are white or yellow when they approach, but they are red when they are moving away of you.

A bar walks into a man. Opps. Wrong frame of reference!

Q. What is the difference between a Quantum Theorist and a Beauty Therapist?
A: The Quantum Theorist uses Planck's Constant as a foundation, whereas the Beauty Therapist uses Max Factor.

Q: What did the Nuclear Physicist have for lunch?
A: Fission Chips.

Q: Why won't Heisenbergs' operators live in the suburbs?
A: They don't commute

Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
A: "You may have graduated but I've got many degrees"

Why did the cat fall off the roof?
Because he lost his mu. (mew=sound cats make, mu=coeff of friction)

Q. What did one electron say to the other electron?
A. Don't get excited. You'll only get into a state!

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

Two sodium atoms are flying around a cyclotron. Suddenly the first atom said to the second, `Hey, I think I've just lost an electron.'
`Are you sure?' asked the second atom.
`Yeah,' said the first, `I'm positive.'

[Of course, the *real* joke is that neither sodium atom could have been flying around the cyclotron in the first place, unless they were *already* ionized. (collapses to the floor, gasping for breath and chuckling hysterically while everyone else in the room edges nervously away)]

\:D I've got plenty more if you want them.

x
_________________________
x Caroline x

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#918150 - 08/19/05 10:05 AM Re: Sorry for being so weird but hey, that's me :)
Richard Martin Offline
Full Member

Registered: 01/13/03
Posts: 117
Loc: Durham, UK
Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.

They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.

Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area ?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said,"If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

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#918151 - 08/19/05 10:19 AM Re: Sorry for being so weird but hey, that's me :)
Tezzie Offline
Full Member

Registered: 08/13/05
Posts: 59
Loc: London, UK
Heehee! ***musical princess*** I only got the ones about the atoms and fission chips. Still funny though!

Richard Martin those engineer ones made me laugh!

\:D
_________________________
"Without a piano I don't know how to stand, don't know what to do with my hands."
- Norah Jones

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#918152 - 08/19/05 05:04 PM Re: Sorry for being so weird but hey, that's me :)
pagnini Offline
Full Member

Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 67
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_________________________
"I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent."

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#918153 - 08/20/05 08:09 PM Re: Sorry for being so weird but hey, that's me :)
-Frycek Offline
5000 Post Club Member

Registered: 08/06/05
Posts: 5921
Loc: SC Mountains
My Dad was a civil engineer - - so, so, so true --
_________________________
Slow down and do it right.

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#918154 - 09/29/05 06:16 PM Re: Sorry for being so weird but hey, that's me :)
Wanderer Offline
Full Member

Registered: 07/11/04
Posts: 95
Loc: Greece
Great ones, people! \:D \:D

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#918155 - 10/18/05 02:39 PM Re: Sorry for being so weird but hey, that's me :)
Freedom Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 10/10/03
Posts: 1192
Loc: Scotland
Nice one MP, I never knew you were a member here \:D
_________________________
"A print of the score has everything you need to know about the music, except the essential."

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#918156 - 10/18/05 02:41 PM Re: Sorry for being so weird but hey, that's me :)
Freedom Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 10/10/03
Posts: 1192
Loc: Scotland
We should meet here more often
_________________________
"A print of the score has everything you need to know about the music, except the essential."

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#918157 - 10/18/05 02:49 PM Re: Sorry for being so weird but hey, that's me :)
***musical princess*** Offline
500 Post Club Member

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 537
Loc: Newcastle, England
You wanna continue here what we started elsewhere...? ;\)

x
_________________________
x Caroline x

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#918158 - 10/18/05 02:52 PM Re: Sorry for being so weird but hey, that's me :)
Freedom Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 10/10/03
Posts: 1192
Loc: Scotland
lol \:D now that would be fun
_________________________
"A print of the score has everything you need to know about the music, except the essential."

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#918159 - 10/18/05 02:54 PM Re: Sorry for being so weird but hey, that's me :)
***musical princess*** Offline
500 Post Club Member

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 537
Loc: Newcastle, England
Well i second that! :p ( ;\) )

x
_________________________
x Caroline x

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#918160 - 10/18/05 04:06 PM Re: Sorry for being so weird but hey, that's me :)
Freedom Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 10/10/03
Posts: 1192
Loc: Scotland
Oh really well then I third it \:D
_________________________
"A print of the score has everything you need to know about the music, except the essential."

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#918161 - 10/22/05 08:13 PM Re: Sorry for being so weird but hey, that's me :)
***musical princess*** Offline
500 Post Club Member

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 537
Loc: Newcastle, England
Well i fourth it!!

(i can't believe we are getting into this again! \:D )

x
_________________________
x Caroline x

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