This was from another topic ... I decided to make it a new thread. ...

I've decided to quit ... not because I have lost interest ... not because I have lost motivation ... but because of an emotional reason.

I've decided its not for me. I've decided anyone who has career in something they love does not love it 100%. Why? Idiot people you have to deal with, pressure and stress.

Hence I've decided: Music is my passion NOT my career.

Then I think ... why am I studying music when I am not going to make a career out of it?

I spend hours a day practicing ... imagine all the neighbours and the parents that have to cope with the noise. I practice at school with an accompanist during lunchtimes ... imagine the teachers in the next room who try to have their lunch, My parents pay a fortune for music lessons for competing, for exams, for sheet music, for books and CD's. And its all going in the bin, its only helping me and it's not helping anyone else. I am selfish.

That's why I don't want to have anything to do with music. At the same time I go around the circle that its my therapy ... its my emotional vehicle I take it away for me its like losing a body member.

That's why I don't want to have anything to do with music. At the same time I go around the circle that its my therapy ... its my emotional vehicle I take it away for me its like losing a body member.

If someone can shed some light that would help

Thankyou so much for your assistance Chris.

Well you already know what I think.

Just to sum up and address a couple of those thoughts...

I don't know of anyone who has a career in music who does not love music 100% Our passion for the subject is what sent us down this path in the first place. For me, there was little choice but to have a career in music. I can't imagine being happy doing anything else. If music is your passion and you can make a career out of it then why shouldn't you? How many other people are lucky enough to earn a living doing something they love?

Should you study music if you don't intend to have a career in it? Sure, why not. That is what the majority of people do. You are not wasting anyones time or money or being selfish in any way. All that time and money has bought you a lifetimes enjoyment. I would say that what you have gained is priceless. As I said in the other thread you might have to accept that giving priority to your career choices will mean less time to spend on music. But that doesn't mean you have to give it up altogether. In fact I am not sure you will ever be able to have nothing to do with music. It's in you whether you like it or not. Don't fight it!

If you are quitting because there are other things in your life which are more important then that is fine. I am not sure the reasons you give are the right ones. Maybe you could just take a break for a few weeks and see how you feel. I am sure your teacher would leave the door open if you change your mind. I know I would.

Rebeckah.L

Your profile lists: Piano, Performing, Singing, Reading, Composing, Conversing, Musicology

Music has certainly been important to you if you have so much to list. If you practice so much, likewise.

You are being hard on yourself with the neighbors, the money, etc. It's kind of a wail that "I'm not deserving", "this is leading nowhere except for my self interest", which could lead to disappointment, censoring the self, self sabotage, and emotional upheaval.

You will find out through your decision how much of this is true, how much is punitive to yourself, and how much of your making a change will be in the right direction, and also the wrong direction for you.

I wish for you to receive and experience a period of grace and flow and to appreciate your very unique self for your to date accomplishments.

Hitting a plateau is sometimes hard to face, and that plateau can feel like a brick wall.

You will know what is right for you as you work through the perplexing things you are facing and enough time has passed to gain perspective.

There are pro's and con's to everything.

Good luck!

Betty

There are going to be some harsh words from me. I'm giving you advance warning because I tend to be very blunt about things. I'm going to sound harsh because I am upset that someone as passionate about music as you wants to quit for what is to me a dumb reason.[/b]

You sound young. The way in which you've written the post, along with mentions of parents, school, and lunchtime has given me the impression that you're a teenager. Teenagers tend to have "emo fits" during which something small gets blown way out of proportion. Don't have an emo fit over the fact that you enjoy music. Betty hit the target dead on by describing it as wailing.

If music is so important to you, and losing it is like losing a vital organ, it makes no sense to quit, unless you enjoy inflicting emotional damage upon yourself (not wholly unheard of, for teenagers). Money is not the issue. You can play music without spending a dime. Neither is "noise". You'd be surprised at how many people enjoy listening to others practice.

What I'm curious about is what led up to this revelation, and what happened to make you so upset as to want to quit music.

Rebekah - do you know other pianists roughly at your level of advancement? Have you considered taking a time out to play the piano for pleasure, perhaps as a duet team? If you have access to a store with multiple instruments, you might consider forming a piano team (5 pianos, 5 players). This is really a fun, social activity which gives you the same experiences which orchestra, band and choir members enjoy.

Just some thoughts.

Rebekah, for clarification, and hopefully to help others help, do I have this right:

You have been a dedicated student for a long time and continue to be so. It is not difficulty in musical achievement that bothers you. It is what the future holds, and with whom you will interact. If you teach, the parents and students will not necessarily hold the love and dedication to music to the degree that you do. You will face indifference, ignorance, laziness, preference for "pop" music -- something that is plaguing you even now at school. The same may be true for audience tastes.

This is a reality, and one that all teachers face. We see on these boards that teachers are not without feeling about this. If you acknowledge it, and rise above it, you will be more and have more, I believe. It would be good for teachers and performers to share how they manage to hold on to the love of music, their greater knowledge of it, when it is often not shared by those they serve with it.

Keystring

I can't agree with you more, keystring.

And keep in mind, Rebekah, that any career you choose will have downsides. I hope you are not considering music as a career because you think it will not be all roses all the time! It sounds like you would make a great music teacher or performer.

That's a good question.

This might sound strange but teaching piano doesn't have that much to do with the music. I wouldn't want to play 95% of the music my students play. I'm sorry but 'Oh when the saints' just doesn't do it for me. It is all about the teaching. So it has no effect on how I feel about the music I love and choose to play myself. Not sure if that makes sense.

It makes perfect sense to me. And when the student does not cooperate with the teaching, is disinterested, parent or institution interferes - does it affect you; do you stay on even keel; do you remain centred?

Of course it affects me. It's just part of the job. I can't imagine that any job is perfect. At least I am the boss and if things are really bad I have the right to show them the door! In all the years I have been teaching nothing has ever really made me consider giving it up and doing something else. I do think it is a very rewarding and enjoyable career in general.

This is perhaps important for a young person considering a career in teaching music (or performing) to be aware of. Everyone experiences it, and nobody is immune from having feelings - it is normal. It is also part of life, and a life choice. If we opt for things we don't care much about, and make this our career, then the blemishes will hardly matter. But if we do make a career out of what we cherish, we don't always have a choice about the people we are thrown together with and the results of that is not entirely in our hands. There is the possibility of joy and disappointment, as opposed to safe equanamity, which ..... do we want?

I am sure that there are many who looked at just these things. Some may have been heading into a music career, teaching, performing, or other, and made a beeline toward something else and continued as high level amateurs. They may even have turned around later, regretting the decision and thinking better of it, or remained quite happy as they were. Others will have continued.

Perhaps the young people considering a career in music, weighing the options, encountering attitudes, could benefit from their stories.

Rebekah, if you are not considering a career in music then do you have something else in mind?

Rebekah, a few random, unconnected thoughts:

[1] Your father's reaction is upsetting, I know. But he just really doesn't understand. Many, many people don't, and some of them will be your nearest and dearest, unfortunately. I also get the feeling that he's seeing your pain in this and says such things to try and convince you it isn't worth getting upset about. Many people have very clumsy ways of trying to cheer one up . Of course I don't know him, so this is only a guess, but I've just found that some people (of the male gender particularly, though by no means exclusively ) can't just listen to you vent, they have to fix everything, and right now, so that the problem goes away, and they don't have to watch you cry any more. Natural human reaction in some ways, though it comes across as insensitive and cruel.

[2] Forget the selfish thing. You have no control over how others react to your music. You could be the best player in the world and the teachers next door having lunch might wish you'd stop - or the worst, and they might fall at your feet in gratitude for having distracted them from the thought that after lunch they have to go and teach 8D . I know this, I've been there . If you worried about every neighbour's possible annoyance you'd never do anything. They probably love hearing you, but even if they don't, it's just life.

[3] You say that because of the frustrations of various musical careers that you "don't want to have anything to do with music". Perhaps you simply mean you don't want a career in music. Fair enough. I can bring to mind many superb musicians I know (and work with) who earn their living doing something else. It does not lessen their musicianship one little bit! One of the best and most musical singers I ever worked with was a chemical engineer by day.
But if you literally mean you "don't want to have anything to do with music" it seems to me you are punishing yourself, and for no reason. If you love music, it is a joy for you, regardless of what other people think. If we gave up joys because of the possible pain involved there are lots of things we'd never do, getting married and having children being the first ones which spring to mind!

To my mind the only reason to give up music completely is if you don't find any pleasure in it. So if all these negative thoughts of yours outweigh your joy in music, then maybe you could give it up without a second thought - but your reaction as described tells me this is far from the case. Tearing limbs off doesn't sound to me like you would be discarding something unimportant to you.

I hear what Minaku is saying. I recently dug out an old diary I kept when I was 14 or so - if my parents had read it they would have gone on suicide alert, but I was just working through some feelings . So work through them, by all means, but come out the other end with some purpose. Above all, be true to yourself .

Sorry - this was just too long…

I thought you comments were great. I wanted to write something myself last night, but I was too tired.

Now I don't have to. You said everything I wanted to say.

I'm a man, but I'm one of the good ones who listen.

Gary

Rebekah, it was eerie for me to read what you wrote, because I could have written the same thing at the age of 17 or so. At the age of 17, I played things like Chopin's piano concerti, Liszt's etudes, etc. I composed music, I could improvise for hours without repeating myself, I wrote fugues for fun. I did reasonably well in concerto competitions. My piano teacher wanted me to major in music. I decided not to, because it would be "selfish" - my parents were paying lots of money for it, I would never be able to make money as a musician, I could not support them in their old age, blah blah blah. (you are more considerate than I am - I didn't think about the effect on my neighbors)

So I went to college and majored in engineering. I didn't even minor in music. For the next 12 years, I may have touched the piano a few times, but I certainly never practiced or played seriously. It was selfish frivolity, after all - I was done with that. I was a Serious Person now.

It hurt. For those 10 years, I could not read musician biographies without crying. I could not go to a concert hall without feeling jealous and wondering "What if..." I felt like a part of me had been amputated. Yes, I could function - I got an advanced degree, worked for a few years, then started a business, had a normal social life and friends - but I always felt like I went down the wrong path, somehow, and that it was too late to fix things.

I was lucky. At the age of 30, I got a second chance to get into music. I am now making up for lost time, practicing regularly, playing at festivals - I even gave a solo concert this year. Getting back into it was the happiest and most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. Fate intervened and gave me back what I'd lost.

If I can save one person from making the same mistake I made, I will be glad. Rebekah, please don't do this. If you love music, and love making music, there's nothing wrong with spending time on it. There are plenty of people out there who make a living at non-music things and who play the piano for fun. They're not selfish - they're sane. It's not selfish to breathe, to eat, or to sleep. Those activities are essential for bodily maintenance. Music, for some people, is equally essential for the maintenance of the soul - if you are one of those, giving up music will hurt you. It definitely hurt me.

Larisa, thank you for sharing your story. I think Rebekah really needs to hear from people in similar situations.

The music will out, no matter what.

Thank you every one for your replies. I have read them over and over today individually ... almost crying. When I am upset normally I need to tell someone ... anyone really. Let me say, I feel like I can see the light again, keeping myself in solitude just makes it worse. I haven't reached a conclusion or solved anything.

I was thinking about yes, a break. My teacher actually says he thinks that its the wrong time to tell him about quitting because I am in an emotional stage. He told me that the phone is open if I want to talk about it more and we will arrive at a conclusion now is just the wrong time. Also, he thinks that I will regret it since I haven't given it enough thought. Look, for all I care right now in life, I can take up a job I hate - a painter or mechanic if I had to ... That's what I am looking at. I love History, but the more I study it the more depressed I get at society ... Its a draining subject. Then there is English, I love writing ... but I cant see myself in Journalism or as an editor. I know I am still young and inexperienced but many of the career paths that I originally wanted to do have faded for me ... "oh I always wanted to be a graphic designer ... nobody notices your work" ... I feel I might as well do a job I hate that way I don't hate the things I love.

Thanks Betty, that helps. Yes I have been 'wailing' ... I feel like a waste, a terrible selfish person ... honestly my dad has been echoing "its a waste, you don't care, you're selfish, you waste our time and money, its rubbish" - I don't know what he is complaining about since he doesn't pay for lessons ... but I felt he has a point.

Thanks for the reality check ... needed it .. I don't feel sensitive, emotional and insecure now ... I feel IN-sensitive and uncaring. This side of me happens after I get the extremes of my emotions outta the way. Well anyways ... many things really built. First, school ... music at school ... I hate lessons at school, the rest of the class is so behind and I am waiting for them to catch up. When teachers notice this ... I had extra theory papers to complete and a certain teacher spent her lunchtimes with me .. just me helping me towards an external school exam. I get this special treatment for free, something I don't deserve.

Then, pressures, the school concert came up (the really big showcase). I refused to perform there where certain pieces of music where instructors say "no the audience wont like it" ... I had to still perform at the matinee and being given a weeks notice made me stressed to make me have to prepare it all and make it polished. Its when a certain teacher said "welcome to the real world" ... that made me so miserable and pessimistic towards the rest of the world.

Then there was my dad ... I mentioned earlier ... he says "its a waste of money and time and you aren't doing us any favors." ... Yes he repetiviely said "you're selfish." ... Never got to me before but now it's attacked my soul. Goodness I thought I was over the whole emotional stage (my eyes are watery now). What good am I doing to anyone is how I feel.

Thanks John, yes, I have a resident accompanist. I work with others too ... Its enjoyable but lately I've refrained from it ... I don't think I should be practicing now ... my teacher told me not to at this stage. I'm restricting myself and taking a break ... until I see him next lesson.

EXACTLY! That's why I dont want to be a teacher ... and I admire anyone who can do it as a job. The people who perform for crowds and do background music ... performers who make their way through the industry.

Thats why I want to look into a job I'd hate ... i.e. cleaning ... at least I can finish it go home and forget about it. Any job that involves soul will (I my opinion) destroy me.

Yes something I hate ... I've wanted to be a graphic designer ... but I thought, no one appreciates you and your creativity is drained. Then I thought of teaching in a high school - history ... now I think teaching is babysitting. I know many highschool teachers that hate their job ... just taking it up as a safe option. A while ago I wanted to be an author but its pretty hard to find employment. There are many areas that are interesting to me ... and all those areas I don't want to be tampered with by making a career out of it.

Thanks currawong ... your comments tell something about myself. See I looked at it this way: I can enjoy it now ... but when I finish high school or college then that's it. If I choose to do it professionally I'll hate it ... if I choose a different life course It'll be the end of music. Most music students don't end up as musicians ... its normal ... but seriously that's it. I feel like I have two years to do something I love then close the book there is no more. Why don't I just quit now to get used to not having music in my life?

Thankyou that was truly upbuilding. I'm speechless.

Look, you know I've wanted to become a musician real badly. I've wanted to perform as a job, I've wanted it all. But then the whole money thing is what gets to me. Then I crossed it off my list and said its not for me ... then questioned why I studied it. Then came around the same circle. I guess the sane thing to do is to hang in there and persevere ... I know even if I don't do music as a career, yes its fine there's no wrong many people have said that to me. I go around the same circle and see no point in studying it any longer. And then I think if I quit I'll regret it. But then I think I'll regret it one way or another.

Just taking up one of your points quickly, Rebekah. You say "I feel I might as well do a job I hate that way I don't hate the things I love" as if having difficulties in a job which entails music will of necessity make you hate music. I can tell you this is not so. I have taught high school music in a difficult area. I hated it, I really did. But no way did it make me hate music, not for a minute! If you decide to focus on something else for a career, choosing something you actually hate just isn't rational, in my opinion. It needn't be something you are passionate about, but it should be something you can take an interest in!

Another thing just jumped out at me, Rebekah. You said "If I choose to do it professionally I'll hate it". Why would you think that? I play professionally (as an accompanist) and I love it! So I don't like accompanying brass as much as singing - but it's nowhere near "hate" in my scale of things.

Your father may think there's no "point" in studying music if you're not going to make a career of it, but most people can see the flaws in that way of thinking. Many things don't have a point if you use that sort of logic. What is the point of a sunset? What is the point of a laugh? Well I know what their point is not - and that's to make money. You need the things in your life that you find personally enriching, whether a rationalist would say they have any "point" or not. And you need to be brave enough to love them even though you fear there may be painful moments ahead. Of course there will be, even if you sit still and never do anything else in your whole life!

Sheesh. Tell me to shut up and stop lecturing you
I sound like my own mother.

*I* needed to hear Larisa's story! You see, at age 60, I've often wondered if I was a fool to become a musician and not take a "sensible job".

I won't ever be able to retire, because I decided to work for myself, outside of any system. (I'm allergic to administrations and rules!)

But the flip side is that no one well ever tell me I'm too old to teach, as long as I am still liked as a teacher and able to play anything I'm teaching, and we all know that there have been awesome pianists who are still playing in public and very successfully in their 80s.

It helps me too when I see other people who have been "successful" but who can't wait to retire, because they hate what they do so much, and after they retire, they seem rather lost.

So when Larisa chose what she thought was the safe or sensible path and becamse miserable, it makes me think that if I had chosen the same thing, I too would have been miserable. And I think it is so!

Its ok lol ... funny, my teacher is a lecturer, he gave me all his theories. Currawong, music obviously has worked for you. You love it and I don't hate you for it, if anything I envy you. I wish I could find enjoyment in something I love and get paid for it at the same time. I've just seen it myself. Certain teachers that teach in high schools, they feel unappreciated. My music teacher at school said its something that's destroyed his soul, he come home and can't even keep up with a practice routine because teaching has destroyed his soul. He has to deal with kids from the zoo and he did it as his last option.

He was one of the few that agreed with me. (even though he encourages me to become a professional musician) I said ... "when you introduce money the that is a way of living .. when you have to live to do something then you won't love it 100% ... why? Because as I said, you have to deal with idiot people, because people don't appreciate you ... I could go on by I've said it before." I know in every field its like that ... Here's were the circle comes in.

I don't want to lose my soul, like that music teacher did ... what's funny is he made me promise not to become a music teacher. At the same time I want to quit music because I want to get used to losing my soul soon, I leave school soon after and that's the closing chapter of music since I am not doing it professionally. I hope I made sense. I wish I can come back to how I was ... I feel like a big black cloud decided to rain on me ...

I feel like I am emotional over the smallest thing ... I feel like there is no reason to cry, there is no reason to feel that this is complicated. I'm not practicing for now as I have been told not to ... when I sat at the piano I couldn't bear it ... I feel my wounds are healing ... but I still feel like I'm unsure. Sorry for fustrating everyone. I appreciate your posts, they do mean a lot to me.

I don't have much time to practice for myself, but I don't feel as if my soul has been destroyed. Quite the opposite. For one thing, keeping on top of every piece that every student of mine plays is enough of a challenge to keep my fingers in good enough shape so that I can play quite a lot of things absolutely cold, just by observing everything that I see while teaching. Sometimes I learn and memorize things while my students are working them out. New things.

Life goes in cycles. I have been through burn-out periods. We all go through them. No matter what you do in life, no matter how much you get paid, there will be times when you hate what you do. On the other hand, there may *not* be times when you love it.
But that's just the way the world works. Do you think that Horowitz or Rachmaninov or any other pianist got to play only what they loved? If you have an audience, you have to play what they like, and they always have favorites. No one is 100% free. And Horowitz wanted to become a composer, so although he was treated like a prince, traveling by train with his own piano, he really wanted to be a composer and in fact did not share most of his compositions. That's why, by the way, his transcriptions were so good.

Have you read about what people wrote about Rachmaninov's 1st Symphony?

Chopin may have never taught if he had had more money. But perhaps if he had not had to teach, we would never have seen most of his waltzes, many of which were written more for students than for him.

I've been teaching for more than 40 years. I enjoy teaching much more than I enjoyed performing, but I didn't know that until I became a teacher.
I'm sorry, but that's just plain STUPID. Shame on HIM. He is bitter about his choices in life, so he is poisoning you by saying that. It might be that teaching would kill your soul. You might also find that teaching, in some way, with the right people, might fill up your soul.

Why not forget about what you are going to *do* with music? Why not just continue with it and leave it open-ended? Take a break if you need one, then come back to it just for the enjoyment.

There are an infinite number of ways to be miserable in life, and you will find people in *any* occupation who are miserable. I do tend to warn people about teaching in public schools, because in the US (if you live here) the pay is low, the demands are high, and I see very little respect. But that's not the only way to teach.

The life of a musician is unpredictable. It really tends to be "living on the edge". But for some, not living that life is pure hell. You don't know yet what is right for you. Please leave your options open. For one thing, you can always choose a safe subject to major in, something that seems guaranteed to provide for you economically, while continuing with music.

For some reason I feel that if you give up music entirely, you will be punishing yourself somehow. I may be wrong, of course, but I'd hate to see you make a drastic decision that you might regret for the rest of your life.

I've met a lot of school teachers who are burnt out, like the one you describe. But I have to say that even though HS teaching definitely wasn't for me, I know quite a few who love it, who are an inspiration to their students, and who are magic at handling the "zoo", as you put it. Your teacher's experiences have left him a little scarred, by the sounds of it, but it isn't everyone's experience. And by the way, there will always be plenty who won't appreciate you, no matter what you do. It's not peculiar to music teaching, and though it's nice when they do appreciate you, that's not where the only rewards lie.
Anyway, good luck. And be kind to yourself .

Thanks for all the success stories. You know what? Yes, I feel like I am going to regret it, but you know what else, I feel like I might as well give it up now since I wont be doing it later. These years of my life I will never get back as a young person, I might as well get used to not performing for now since I cant do it later.

Yes, I know I shouldn't think about what I am going to do career wise, but I do think as a music student: I perform, discover and enjoy myself ... give me another year, that's all for me, no more ... Why not get used to no music now? But then I think I'll regret it later ... sorry for going to circles it annoys me a lot.

How old are you Rebekah? My guess is between 16-18?

None of us have the power or the right to change your mind. I can promise that things will look a lot different in a few years time no matter what you do now. It's not true that giving up on music now means you will never get the chance to do it later in life. That might be how it seems at the moment but it really isn't true. I went back to college to study for a post grad diploma in performance at the age of 31. It had been eight years since I had performed seriously but it came back really quickly. I enjoy my work now and have a great deal of variety and flexibility. I teach, lecture, play, accompany and write. Life is good and I make a pretty decent living at it. There are more possibilities in music than you might imagine.

Hi Rebekah
I think if any of us where asked, we all would have a similar story to share.
I made the same choice you are describing now, but in a different field. I chose not to study towards going to university (because silly me I was not sure about what I wanted to study), so I chose to finish secondary school in something that would give me the opportunity to have a paid job at the end of that tunnel. And I succeeded. I finished my studies, and found a job related to my background (which I did not hate) (I was lab technician at the time). After working for a few years I saw were I was standing really, being the last monkey, receiving orders from everybody, and if anything went wrong… well.. you know…it was sort of my fault.
I left my job and went to uni (know I am a chemical engineer) and worked for another few years…but was not enough. And went back to uni, and got my PhD in chemistry. And when I go down to the lab now I really love it. I have several Msc students to guide, and a few PhDs as well. And you know…. I love it.
Once I had all that I decided to take the piano challenge on board, and as far as a learn and improve little a day I will be happy.

Well, sorry for the long background. The only “point” I want to make is that live is dynamic. You never know where you are going to end up, and what are you going to end up doing. So, why doing something you know you are going to regret?

Stop being so harsh to yourself and, simply, live (your own simple little life). Life is way too complicated to make any choice long term, because there are so many corners, and turns and junctions, that not even knowing where you want to go will guarantee you will arrive safe and sound there. If you know you love music keep going that way. You can be a teacher, but not necessarily teaching to the “zoo” (I like that bit). You, as I did in other field can keep developing your studies (it is not easy, but funding is there to support you) and can end up teaching at uni level, where you will teach wonderful people really interested in music, if that is what you want. Or can start teaching from home and you will be able to choose your student (and show the door to a few as Chris H. says)
Seat back and relax! Put your seat belt on and enjoy the ride.
Life only happens once. Let life make the choices for you. Choose to do what gives your soul life.

Hi Rebekah,
Some random thoughts:

How many of the negative thoughts you have listed are things that you have been told over and over again when you were younger, so that they became internalized? When you feel you are selfish, or that you are wasting your time, are these really your own thoughts? If you encountered another person who was totally involved in music and you saw them, imagine yourself telling them that they are selfish and wasting their time - how do you feel about that? To gain more perspective, take some of the people in this forum who are involved in music, and imagine perceiving them as being selfish or wasting their time - what comes to mind? There is no difference in your action or their action.

Another thought: We believe that we perceive what the world is like and what life is like, but in fact our perception is created by our own experience and then extrapolated onto the life globally. Your immediate environment is a particular high school that has a most unfortunate and unenlightened view: music must cater to the shallowest tastes among young people. Your peers by and large reflect these tastes: yes, but how much have they been shaped by this school? How much respect and belief in the depth of humanity, to which adolescents are members, does this school hold in terms of the students in this school? I would think - not much. This is your environment, but this is not the whole world or even all of Australia. Remove this template of life, and replace it with the fact that it is one little corner influenced by particular people running it, and the interactions springing from it. Your miserable high school teacher - he's living that environment. Why has he not made changes?

What comes across very strongly is your description of how things make you feel, and how they will make you feel. Yes, things do elicit our feelings, and suppressing and denying feelings is not healthy. But that's only part of the equation. What I see is a relatively passive stance, where you are the recipient of the results of your choices. If you do one thing, it will make you happy, another will make you miserable or disappointed, and so on. You are actually trying to base your choices on how they will make you feel. Change this: you do not want to spend your life swaying on the breezes of your reactions, and governed by them. What do you value? How do you feel about certain things? You must have a solid core within you of what it is that is important to you, that will lead your actions - these are also "feelings" but they are of a different order - they are your center and your strength. The waves of hope, despair, sadness, joy, disappointment may splash around you, but your core values will sustain you, like a lighthouse that will always orient you. Let this govern your choices, not the "splashing waves". Rebekah, you already have such values. Not only that, you have much inner strength. Look what you have achieved! You have not had ambitious parents choreographing your every musical move, paving the way, anticipating before you could even sneeze toward the next obstacle, removing it for you --- what is it that has driven you so far? This is not to bring you into a choice of music as a career, but for you to look at your own strengths. We read the reverse: the prodigy who was "prodigized" by an ambitious parent, never having a chance to see whether this is his choice, never developing a core of his own -- suddenly he burns out, gets lost, doesn't know who he is, in the middle of his success, because he never developed that core. You are more fortunate. (Yes, I like making lemon-ade out of lemons.)

We live in societies that are rather blah for the most part: 9 - 5 jobs, watch t.v. when you get home, do what everyone else does - and some of us march to our own drummers. No, they won't understand this. But do you really want to join that? Are you a follower of shallow templates? Must you impose blindness on yourself because many others cannot see? Do not look to the people whose actions leave you cold and cause you disappointment. Look to your own. Who knows whom you might not inspire, in your own turn, simply by being true to yourself. That inspiration can be in the smallest thing that you do -- you never know. Since I have lived long enough, I have had people tell me about some insignificant thing of mine, and how that inspired them toward some change in their own life. Go figure.

On a less philosophical note: supposing that you go back to your idea of music as a career - whether teaching or performing. If either seem iffy, why not have a backup plan. Be pragmatic. You are capable of it. Explore options, and ways toward these options. Be hard-nosed. What might you want to achieve, and how would you go about achieving it? What obstacles do you foresee, and how might you overcome them? In a similar vein - if it were not music, but say accounting or engineering, do you think that you would be going through the same throes (imagine your dream is to be an accountant or engineer :p ). Music as a profession is also a profession.

That's all I can think of. Some of it may be nonsense so only take what might be of use.

See?
just as I was writing my reply Chris wrote about the same.
You can do it.
(If only we were to have the good bits of the teenage years!)

I quit four times between the ages of 13 and 19 and majored in Chemistry and Mathematics for two years in college.

Chemistry was boring, so I switched to music at the end of my sophomore year and never looked back.

Thanks Pixie's friend, Keystring and Chris. I guess my negative thoughts rooted from many different sources. At this point, I guess the wrong move would be the quit. By no means do I even want to quit, its the surrounding people that make me feel I need to quit. I hope I made sense. I am still trying to sort my feelings out and the last few days I've felt very shadowed.

My piano teacher says that it seems like a whole defense mechanism of wanting to quit. Particually since it was after an exam I built myself up on so much.

This has probably been the bumpiest patch of my teenage years ... I guess I haven't had it so bad ... Still returning to the piano to me is a difficult task. I sat down at the bench today glared down at the keys then walked away. I think for the next few days I'll give it a break. I think I wont quit afterall but I think I'm in for a long talk at my lesson in a few days.

I guess I am at the stage were I am questioning things and looking at 'who am I' ... I wish I knew the answer sooner and I know that this is the time in my life where I am to discover things and really discover myself but the question mark still remains.

I feel like the answer is approaching and I really need to give it time. I sometimes just wished I had my father on my side. Maybe he is the root of all my emotions ... I've tried speaking to him many times but no avail ... I know I shouldn't allow comments like his get into my thinking but sometimes when your deepest and dearest make comments like that its so easy to succumb to them and feel so bruised.

Thank you for all your replies ... I might stick to it ... but take a week's break of practice so I can regain myself. My mind is still racing and I still feel sad in some areas ... part of me feels tired too ... I'm really mixed .. .sometimes I wish I could just have someone solve my problems ... but I realize in the end its my decision and no one can make choices for me.

Thankyou all for posting ... it means a lot to me ... all those life stories and experiences make me feel like a person not an insane freak that thinks too much.

I can't tell you how many times I have done the same thing. Or I just couldn't be bothered to go to the piano at all. I think that this is what happens to most of our students when they fail to practice. The trick is to just start playing, even if it is the last thing you want to do. Give it a little time and you will start to feel better. I always do.

Thanks Chris, It'll be a change from sleeping as a way to escape my thoughts. Its like getting back up from falling off a horse. The phobia is there ... so I'll take baby steps for now.

Sometimes you just get burnout. When I was seventeen I quit piano after a relatively successful earlier run. On my mother's advice I entered college undeclared because she didn't want me doing music.

Half a year of college went by, I realized I did not want to be stuck writing papers for 4 years (my interests were English and political science), realized that I loved teaching, and immediately switched to piano performance and psychology. I regret nothing and am happy that I made the decision.

There will be some days when you don't want to play. That's alright. I went for almost two years without playing and went back. When I was 10 I had to take a year off from piano, and I went back to it as well. Every time I stop, I realize I need to go back. I'm not afraid of quitting anymore, because I know music is a lifetime commitment for me, whether it is teaching or playing.

I wish your father was on your side in all this, but try to keep a clear head. Don't make decisions right away. Emotionally-based decisions, especially at this magnitude, tend to come back and bite you in the butt. Sleep on it, for a few days if you have to, and decide what you're going to do. Maybe you can stop doing competitions and festivals, and focus on group piano and playing pieces you've always wanted to play. Maybe you can focus on jazz, or practice your improvisation. Whatever it is, I hope that you'll stay with music, even if you step away for a while.

That’s better rebekah.
Don’t tell my sons, but sometimes parents don’t know best. It seems your dad is going through the same emotional rollercoaster you are at the moment, don’t blame any of you. It is one of those things in life. You have him on your side, only you do not know what your side is! (both of you)
Sure he thinks you are good at what you do, he has surely enjoyed listening to your practice (same as your neighbours) and he is frustrated that you might through everything away for one of those hormone cocktails your blood is mixing at the moment. We sometimes get angry and do not mean what we say; most probably it is the case now. Try to talk to him about how he thinks you play, what does he feel when he hears you playing…. You will get closer.
One of my friends used to say “When I was 13 my dad hadn’t got a clue about anything. But is unbelievable what the guy learned in only 10 years!”
Try to play just for pleasure. Forget about the really challenging stuff you can play, and concentrate in the pleasure playing that easy tune gives you (one of my friends walks of plateaus playing the very first thing his mum taught him, with his fists!, but it helps, because that brings a smile to the face and warmth to the heart)
Baby steps are perfect now, they are the best. (Specially those my little one is starting doing) ;-)
Pixie

Rebekah, if your father has been accusing you of "selfishness", no wonder you're upset. But think of it like this - soon you'll be in college, away from your parents, and away from their control. You'll be able to pay for your own piano lessons - and what's so selfish about spending your own money? You are allowed to spend your own money on anything you like.

As for performing - it all depends on where you perform. I'm 32, and only returned to the piano 3 years ago. And I'm performing. Yeah, I play ragtime, not classical, and yeah, I'm not very good yet, but this summer, I was playing at out-of-town gigs every 3 weeks - mostly ragtime festivals, though I did give a concert as well. Oh, and I was also taking lessons. It was crazy, because I was also doing a law firm summer internship (which is a big deal and involves a lot of intense work), but I really really wanted to make it work - so I did. I have a CD out. I'm going to record my second CD next week. And at the same time, I'm in law school - at a good school, and going to work for a good law firm after I graduate.

So don't think you'll be giving up performing forever and ever after you go take up another job or major in something other than music. There are always performance opportunities out there. Sometimes, really nice performance opportunities. One of the ragtime performers I know gave a great concert at the Kennedy Center in Washington DC this year. He makes his living as a computer programmer. That didn't make a difference.

For that matter, one of the things I really like about the law firm where I'll be working is that they have their own rock band - two partners and two associates. Now, mind you, these are very busy people - and that's an understatement. These are horribly overworked people with a ton of stuff to do. But every couple of days, they get together in one of the file rooms (relabeled "Music Room") and practice. They played their first gig a couple of weeks ago.

Thanks again for your words - Minaku, Pixie dust and Larisa. My lesson is only tomorrow and I guess I should be rekindling with my love for music again. All I can say is thankyou, I feel very uplifted. I've read all your posts again and again and let me say that I feel much better now.

You know it is all well and good, and easy for us to say to "just ignore" the naysayers...those who drag us down and make us feel bad for pursuing something we care about.

But it's just not that easy in real life. Especially when a family member is giving you a hard time for pursuing music. It can just take any enjoyment out of it to have to listen to such negativity.

Do what you have to do. The good news is, if you do quit, I bet you start again in X number of years, and end up on the Adult Beginners forum saying how you never should have quit

If you feel you must, then go ahead and quit. I don't think it will make you happy, but perhaps you do that then you'll realize just how much you love music, and that you really have no choice but to do it. Sometimes you have to totally leave something to know just how much it matters to you.

Hey, never said I am quitting. At least not for now I just said my lesson is tomorrow and I should be rekindling my love!

I don't know what I am in for tomorrow especially since I have been advised to take a break from it (my teacher said this).

Sorry for butting in here, and I haven't read every word in the above, but Rebekah, you sound clinically depressed. Perhaps talk to a counselor at school or a doctor about it.

Mood swings are part of being a teenager, but when everything looks negative, that's unhealthy.

And btw, I've been there in both respects (music, love/hate, quitting, and depression). I majored in cello and got a doctorate, and then quit -- couldn't stand to even look at the thing. There were about 5 years when I hardly played at all. I now have a boring job that I don't love, but I am back playing again, both cello and piano.

Doing music as a career IS stressful, and it can be very hard to earn a living. Some people handle it better than others. But that's certainly no reason to quit. Playing the piano is something you can do your whole life. Just decide that you will keep playing no matter what. It's not an all-or-nothing proposition.

Rebekah, if your teacher has told you to take a break, and you have followed his instructions, then he will be expecting you to come in exactly as you will be. He will have something in mind and guide you through it. Many people go through periods of doubt, especially if they have been rather involved in their music studies, and a music teacher will have experience and knowledge in this. Trust him to guide you, and best wishes for tomorrow's lesson.

Oh, wonderful! And sometimes, it's good to take a break. Nothing wrong with that.

Oh, sure. But at some point, one has to say, with as much defiance as one can muster: "This is what I need to do for my own health and sanity. There is nothing wrong with wanting to do this. I will continue to do this regardless of what you think."

It's damn hard to do when you're 16, or 17. Personally, at that age I favored passive resistance rather than open defiance as my technique of choice - just ignore the negative comments and keep going with whatever I was doing. (not that my parents had negative comments about music - they had other fish to fry) It was a very effective technique.

I had a clarinet teacher, who played first clarinet in a major orchestra (yes, I was lucky), who said that he has never "worked" in his life - i.e. that making music for a living never felt like "work". I've always aspired to that ideal - to never "work" in my entire life. I've made it so far; none of the activities I've engaged in have ever felt like "work". (not just music; I loved all the jobs I've held over the years)

I didn't enjoy giving piano lessons as much as I enjoyed other things, but it certainly wasn't anything that destroyed my soul. Every so often, I got a good student who worked hard, and it made the bad students bearable. But there are so many other ways to make money making music, most of which are very pleasant.

For example, one of the ways in which I made money at piano playing was by accompanying ballet classes. Basically, it amounts to sitting there and improvising while you watch people dance. They are typically very good dancers, and it's a pleasure to watch them and to fit the music to their movements. No "soul destruction" there. I also accompanied singers a lot; another soul-enhancer.

I now make money at festivals, selling my sheetmusic and CD's (and people ask me for autographs...yipes). Another perfectly valid way of making money at music.

To me, the objection to being a full-time professional musician was the vow of poverty that accompanies that decision, not any "soul destruction". I think one's soul can be kept in fine shape by a music career; it's the connection between body and soul that might be in trouble.

Its been great. Its through talking to many others when I feel better. I talked to a musician friend of mine, my mum, a few supportive peers and my teacher. I feel MUCH better now.

A few things still linger in my mind ... but I have a lesson tomorrow to just talk about it.

It basically came down to: the real reason why I felt I needed to quit was fear, fear of Change. Loss of music ... I finish school in a years time, after that it wont be the same setup. I felt I needed to prepare myself for the worst and stop now so I wont feel like I lost it so much later.

... Other than that, my teacher and I have decided to keep it for now at least.

Really? I thought so too, actually I thought I was just being a melodramatic hypercondriac really. Piano again ... not in denial or anything, but really I don't think I have clinical depression because the pessimistic thinking that I bear are echoed from the teachers in my high school. There are a few other contributing factors too. I still love music and by no means did I want to quit, I just felt I needed to quit.

One thing that scared me was when I came to realize that most quit after high school. I finish in a years time. It's almost like I have a year to live my life and enjoy myself and then that's it no more. I can perform now and have fun but when school is finished, that's it. I feel like I might as well pack my bags now and call it quits before I love it too much and find quitting a more difficult task. Actually it still scares me ... what if I don't make it as a professional musician? What do I do then?

What's more is I am not looking to be a professional musician ... it seems too demanding. I feel like I am going to quit one way or another I may as well quit now, that way I wont get too attached to music and I'll find it easier.

... I still feel this way but see no reason to quit for now. So I am going to persevere.

Oh, Rebekah, but college is so much more fun than high school! You'll have so much more free time for all sorts of things - including playing and performing and taking music classes where everyone else loves music just as much as you do. Really. Even if you major in something else. Believe me. You don't have to quit if you don't want to quit. Why would you quit later if you "love it too much"?

I hate it when music teachers pull that sort of nonsense and tell people that they'll quit. They did that to me too; the idea is that if you Really Love It, you will persevere anyway, and if you Don't Really Love It, you'll quit and stop wasting their time. What they fail to account for is the nice girls; the ones who obey the grownups and listen to what they say, and who would not dream of defying a grownup's orders. They don't know what kind of pain they're causing, because the pain is hidden and because the girl in question obediently quits piano - so they were right, weren't they? Grr.

Really, if I were you, I'd go for a music major in college, family be damned. Or at least, minor in music. If you don't make it as a professional musician, you can always go to law school (seriously - some of my classmates did that). Or just go back to school and major in something else. Life is long, and offers plenty of opportunities to turn around and try a different path if you don't like the one you're on. I am on my third career change now, and I am only 32.

Thanks Larisa ... Funny many people convinced me to quit and give it up. For many, many different reasons (no employment, no enjoyment, having to quit later, what its done to me, where I am going to go, etc). I've realized now I have let other influences distort me and mold me to think in such a way.

Thanks for the advice Larisa.