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I know that my 13 yr. old student wants to quit, probably has for some time now. But, the parents won't let him quit. On one hand, I feel bad for him because he has lost all interest in playing piano. I think he is missing out.

On the other hand, he is getting more and more difficult to teach. His attitude is negative and snippy at times. He doesn't practice like he should and his skills seem to be declining. I've thought about dropping him, but I don't know if that would be the best course of action.

Have any of you been in this situation? What do you recommend?

I've been in the same boat many times before. The best thing to do is to let the student go. It will make your life a lot better. Trust me.

Yes, I agree. It can be very trying to teach teenagers. I should know, I've been teaching my 15 year-old son myself

Well, who said it would be easy being a piano teacher?

I'll second that.

In the past I have tried everything possible to remedy this kind of situation. It was my belief that there has to be a way to reach them and rekindle the spark. Unfortunately sometimes there just isn't. You know the lessons should stop but you feel bad about being the one to do it right? What you need to do is find a way of letting them go gently.

The parents don't want him to quit. By dropping him there is nothing to say he has to quit piano. You might persuade them that a change of teacher could do him the world of good and sometimes it can. Tell them that you are no longer acle to take their money because he is not practicing and therefore not benefiting from the lessons. You have a waiting list of students and really can't afford to keep a student who is clearly not enjoying it. Provide them with a list of other teachers who should be able to acommodate him. Don't feel bad or make a big deal about it. They all have to leave at some point don't they?

I lost one just this week who was exactly the same. Before the Summer I asked them to consider if the lessons were worth carrying on with this term. They called last week to say they had decided to leave it. I feel a huge sense of relief because I did not enjoy the lessons. Now I can fill that slot wih a fresh student! It is best for everyone.

Good luck.

Another though which is worth mentioning...

I teach around four to five hours on a typical evening. It is incredible how one bad student can ruin your day. I used to have a student at the end of my Thursday evening session who was really hard work. I would feel anxious about it all day and would often be a little short tempered with my other students as a result. When this person finally left all that anxiety went away and Thursday was lovely. Not only was it better for me but for all my other lessons as well.

Never underestimate the effect that one of these students can have on you and your teaching. You might be worried about treating them unfairly but I can assure you they are not giving you a second thought.

Be strong and do the right thing. You owe it to yourself.

I'm not a teacher, but this is a thought inspired by the book "Note by Note":

Does this student have an iPod? What music does he have on it? Can you help him figure out one of these songs by ear? If you can't help him figure it out by ear, can you find sheet music for it or a song by the same group?

Rich

I agree with Chris and AZN, it is probably for the best to drop the student, as it isn't benefiting him. However, if the parents promise he will practice more, what then? Dragon has a good suggestion, and this is something that I try to do with all my students. Have him pick a song he likes and help him figure out the tune by ear with the RH. Then tell him this is where his chords come into play, and have him figure out the harmonization for the LH. Of course, he'd have to practice his scales to figure out the melody, and his chords to figure out the harmony. And of course, arpeggios to be able to make the harmony sound good.

Show him the 12-bar blues progression and a few different blues accompaniments, and teach him the blues scale (scale degrees 1-b3-4-b5-5-b7-8) and help him improvise over a 12-bar blues accompaniment.

These things can not only make it interesting for him and perhaps get him to practice, he will see the purpose behind everything he's learned so far. Piano is not for everyone, but perhaps you can find a way to make the best of the situation.

But why look for ways to make the best of the situation?

The kid does not want to play the piano. He has reached his teens and his interests obviously lie elsewhere. You might be able to passify him with a few pop songs for a couple of weeks but then you will be right back where you are now. Really, what is the point?

Who are you doing this for? The student does not want lessons and you are not happy to teach him. It's the parents who are pushing it for whatever reason. And yet what responsibility do they take for getting the boy to practice? Not much I bet.

Sorry to be so negative but I think this one has got to go. Reading between the lines of your original post you are beyond the point of no return.

If the parents won't let him quit then tell them they MUST sit with him for an hour every day and make him practice. Get ready for all the excuses as to why this is not possible.

How is this good for the student? Will there be yet another future adult trying to overcome decades of loathing because of a bad association with music? To what end? It sounds like this is to teach the parent a lesson, with the hope that the parent will not be bothered. But if the parent *will* be bothered, you have a potential family fight, possible rift in the family just as the balances are shifting over something as non-essential (sorry) as piano lessons, and any potential future love of piano or music will be destroyed for the young man. How many ABFers return at the age of 40, 50, and 60, with regrets, and some trying to overcome trauma associated with forced lessons.

Right, that was my point. If the parents promise things will improve by making him practice, then you can give it a try to at least spark his interest. I don't like teaching students who don't want to be there. It's a waste of my time and their money. However, you never know if you'll be able to reach a student if you don't try. My suggestion was only as a second option to dropping him. Sometimes you really don't know what a student does with music. He may be in a band and just finds lessons stifling and not applicable, when in fact, he's learned a lot that can be applicable. Sometimes they just need to be shown how to apply what they've learned.

And how many ABFers regret the fact that their parents let them quit? Only the teacher involved can really know where things sit with this student. If the rapport is good, and the parents want to give it another go with enforcing practice (my parents made me practice too, it wasn't a bad thing), then the teacher can try to make it enjoyable for the student. That's not a bad thing. However, I would only do this with the stipulation that if it doesn't get any better, then the teacher will drop the student, end of discussion.

True on all counts, Morodiene. I had the impression that his teacher had the impression that continuing was not a good idea, and there was this picture of deterioration, with the student becoming snippy etc. In the overall picture I couldn't help wondering whether the parents forcing him to practice might not just lead to even greater negativity as well as possible tension in the family. Only the teacher (and the young man?) can tell for sure, though.

Keystring, I think your response was to my statement about the parents making them practice.

I don't think that this is the way forward. Only sometimes you need to point out to parents the consequences of forcing their child to practice. By not letting him quit that is exactly what they are doing, forcing it. Everything you say will happen is true. It will cause fights and ultimately another adult who has had a horible musical experience through childhood. The parent needs to realise this and just let it go.

Chris, I think you are quite astute. Maybe it will cause a sudden flare-up at home instead of a slow death in the studio (what a choice :p ), or best scenario, they won't push it if they are the ones who have to see it through.

KS

Lana Lang, if the kid stated to his parents that he wants to quit, why dont you bring up the subject with him at the beginning of the lesson, say something like your parents have told me you want to quit, ask him why. then tell him positive things about his playing and that you understand that sometimes it is difficult, and hard to find that motivation, and maybe bring up a time where you almost quit, or someone famous, and explain to him that quitting isnt always the answer etc etc

have a heart to heart another words. people that once loved something will always love it inside, just may take some more time to think maturely about it.

maybe use the lessons to have fun with the music EVEN if he doesnt practice. bring back the fun and joy in music:)

it is really hard for a parent to motivate a child, because kids seem to always listen to everyone but their parents, so i think you have a good shot at helping this kid.

Above and beyond the excellent points Chris has made, it seems to me that there is an issue of ethics here.

An ethical teacher cannot continue accepting remuneration when, for whatever reason, the product is no longer being delivered.

There is also an opportunity (teaching moment) to work with young students on real life problems. I ask them to discuss this with their parents. Why should they drop lessons, that is. What are their reasons in favor of dropping, what are their parents reasons for continuing. We talk it out in the studio.

Further, this is a great opportunity to spend some time discussing the arts in general, and their applicability to life. Who among us can live without music? This isn't necessarily so with our students and their families. But we know that art enriches our lives immensely.

Incidentally, as a side note, I've become my teacher. Our house/studio is littered with books piled high in every corner, walls covered with original contemporary paintings, music issuing forth from the stereo 24/7 (generally muted during lessons, of course). Students can see that the arts are the focus of my life, and who knows what those little sponges are soaking up?

Over the course of over 38 years of teaching I have been in Lang Lang's position. It is frustrating indeed. Oftentimes the student ended up quitting and pursuing other interests. Sometimes I have had students stick with it (because of their parent's refusal to let them give it up) and just recently I had those same students enter a local university as music majors. In the course of their musical education I oftentimes wanted to quit - but didn't, all the while keeping the line of comunication open with the parents. Fortunately, it worked out.

There is a new course called American Popular Piano that you might want to investigate. I saw a presentation at our MTAC Convention this year and was impressed. Perhaps this will add the spark your student needs to keep studying.

Here's the link: http://www.nvmusicgroup.com/NVWeb/Home.html

Best to you in this situation. By the mere fact that you write about your concern shows that you are not only a good teacher but a caring one as well.

These are all great points, everyone.

I think I will have a heart to heart with him at our next lesson to try to figure out how he feels exactly. If there is any glimmer of hope, maybe I will suggest he choose a favorite popular song and teach him to play it by ear.

I tried teaching him a favorite popular song with sheet music before, but the level of difficulty was high and I tried to show him how to simplify it. He didn't want to play the simplified version, of course, because it didn't sound like the "real music" to him. Ugh. We'll try no sheet music this time.

If he doesn't want to do even this, then I guess I will just have to drop him.

Almost everyone has times when they want to quit. Experience will tell you when it is right to let it go or if you should pull them through it. It sounds like you are not ready to give it up yet and I hope you can find a way to enjoy the lessons and perhaps see it as a challenge. If you can see some potential in this boy based on what he has already achieved then go for it.

Be sure to tell him and his parents that something has got to change or you will have to drop him. It doesn't matter what style you play or if you choose to play by ear you will not get any satisfaction without putting in the practice. Be very firm on this. If the lessons are to continue you expect him to practice. Tell them you will review the situation in a month/term and if nothing has changed you will not keep teaching him. Lay it on the line. It's your studio and you are the boss. It is not like school, they don't have to be there. These are things you really want in your studio policy if you don't have one.