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#963794 - 05/23/08 01:02 PM Relationships over-board...
Lessajinomoto Offline
Full Member

Registered: 04/18/08
Posts: 95
Loc: Malaysia
I'm just curious...

What do you guys think of a music lecturer/piano teacher starting a love relationship with his/her students??

In my college, it is forbidden...as it marrs the protection of the student towards the lecturer and likewise...Besides, it is deemed as being unprofessional...(from the lecturer's side, of course..)

Any thoughts??

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#963795 - 05/23/08 01:13 PM Re: Relationships over-board...
Akira Offline
1000 Post Club Member

Registered: 07/27/07
Posts: 1645
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
I think it makes a difference as to what context question is.

Are you asking in terms of the affect it will have on the teaching-learning process?

Or the effect it will have on the teacher, as being viewed by the teaching community (i.e. his/her peers and other regulatory bodies)?

[Is your question being asked in the first or third person \:\) (kidding)]

#963796 - 05/23/08 02:20 PM Re: Relationships over-board...
Monica K. Offline

Platinum Supporter until Dec 31 2012

Registered: 08/10/05
Posts: 17815
Loc: Lexington, Kentucky
I think they're a bad idea. Many (most?) colleges and universities forbid romantic relationships between faculty and students whom they might ever have in class, for good reasons. There is an imbalance of power between teachers and students that renders the idea of a "consensual" relationship somewhat moot.

I have known of LOTS of faculty/student relationships, many of which ended horribly, and in most cases it was the student who got the bad end of the bargain. I'm not personally acquainted with any that worked out well.

But, one might ask, you can't control who you fall in love with, so what do you do when teachers and students fall in love with each other? I would suggest that, if it really is true love, it will wait until after the student has left the school and is no longer in a relatively powerless position vis a vis the teacher.
Mason & Hamlin A -- 91997
My YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/pianomonica

#963797 - 05/23/08 02:43 PM Re: Relationships over-board...
Morodiene Offline
Yikes! 10000 Post Club Member

Registered: 04/06/07
Posts: 12225
Loc: Boynton Beach, FL
You can control how much time to spend with someone in an environment that might be conducive to "falling in love" or rather, "falling in lust" with someone. So in that sense, you can control who you fall in love with. It's up to the teacher to make wise choices because they are generally older, and they already have the authority in the teacher-student relationship where often the student idolizes the teacher. If that is fostered, then it is mostly the teacher's fault. It is a bad idea, and like Monica said, if they really do love them, then it's worth the wait until they are older and can be more of a peer.
private piano/voice teacher - full time
MTNA member
Petrof 9'2 Concert, Yamaha G3, Roland FP-7, Yamaha MOX6, Kawai MP11

#963798 - 05/23/08 03:00 PM Re: Relationships over-board...
Kreisler Offline

Registered: 11/27/02
Posts: 13818
Loc: Iowa City, IA
If it doesn't create a professional conflict, then it's fine. I know a few couples who started out as teacher/student.

If it does create a professional conflict, then prepare for PAIN. (The experience of a friend of mine, who will rue the day he met that psycho girl.)
"If we continually try to force a child to do what he is afraid to do, he will become more timid, and will use his brains and energy, not to explore the unknown, but to find ways to avoid the pressures we put on him." (John Holt)


#963799 - 05/24/08 01:04 PM Re: Relationships over-board...
Lessajinomoto Offline
Full Member

Registered: 04/18/08
Posts: 95
Loc: Malaysia
I'm now put in a cross-road...where a close friend of mine, formed a love relationship with a lecturer...only to suffer a break-up on personal issues...

The problem is, the lecturer is afraid that we (the student and some of us) may report about this act, which will jeopardize and affect his career...though I have personally assured him that as long as he stays professional, we have no reason to do so...

Now, despite us working hard for our exams, and subjects...we find ourselves failing his classes, causing us to stay back an extra year, to retake the subject again...even his 'best student'...which happens to be our friend...when asked for reason of failure, he tells us that he is not suppose to reveal reasons, which makes us suspicious...

I don't want to make a report about this lecturer, as he can really teach...and we have learn a lot from him...

But yet, I can't be suffering a C minus or D...and even an F...when I know in the bottom of my heart, I have really done my best...

#963800 - 05/24/08 01:11 PM Re: Relationships over-board...
Monica K. Offline

Platinum Supporter until Dec 31 2012

Registered: 08/10/05
Posts: 17815
Loc: Lexington, Kentucky
Oof. Tough situation, Lessajinomoto.

My advice: Go talk to this lecturer and ask him to explain why you are failing his classes. Don't mention the failed relationship; just tell him that you don't think you deserve the bad grades and ask him to justify them. Start documenting everything you can... do you have evidence that he did not follow the syllabus in grading you, or that he applied different grading standards to you versus the rest of the class?

If he doesn't, or can't, justify the grade, then appeal to the next higher-up in the department/school (the chair, perhaps; it depends on how your particular school is organized).

This is a very good example of why relationships with students are not a good idea. Even if your grade has nothing at all to do with the breakup, the fact that there is some suspicion it DID, on either party's side, makes it a very awkward situation.

Good luck.
Mason & Hamlin A -- 91997
My YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/pianomonica


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