Quotes from Grade School Essays on Classical Music
Source: a Missouri music teachers' newsletter.

Bach died from 1750 to the present.

Refrain means don't do it. A refrain in music is the part you'd better not try to sing.

Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was rather large. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling him. I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.

Henry Purcell is a well-known composer few people have ever heard of.

An opera is a song of bigly size. In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Nedda, who is the one he really loves. Pretty soon Silvio also gets stabbed, and they all live happily ever after.

When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it from hurting.

Aaron Copland is one of our most famous contemporary composers. It is unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do not live until they are dead.

My favorite composer is Opus.

A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.

Probably the most marvelous fugue was between the Hatfields and the McCoys.

My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze Lullaby.

Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.

Caruso was at first an Italian. Then someone heard his voice and said he would go a long way. And so he came to America.

A good orchestra is always ready to play if the conductor steps on the odium.

Morris dancing is a country survival from times when people were happy.

Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago.

Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.

I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say.

A harp is a nude piano.

A tuba is much larger than its name.

Instruments come in many sizes, shapes, and orchestras.

You should always say celli when you mean there are two or more cellos.

Another name for kettle drums is timpani. But I think I will just stick with the first name and learn it good.

A trumpet is an instrument when it is not a hearing aid.

While trombones have tubes, trumpets prefer to wear valves.

The double bass is also called the bass viol, string bass, and bass fiddle. It has so many names because it is so huge.

When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody.

Question: What are kettle drums called? Answer: Kettle drums.

Cymbals are round, metal CLANGS!

A bassoon looks like nothing I have ever heard.

Last month I found out how a clarinet works by taking it apart. I both found out and got in trouble.

Question: Is the saxophone a brass or a woodwind instrument? Answer: Yes.

The concertmaster of an orchestra is always the person who sits in the first chair of the first violins. This means that when a person is elected concertmaster, he has to hurry up and learn how to play a violin real good.

For some reason, they always put a treble clef in front of every line of flute music. You just watch.

I can't reach the brakes on this piano!

The main trouble with a French horn is it's too tangled up.

Anyone who can read all the instrument notes at the same time gets to be the conductor.

Instrumentalist is a many-purposed word for many player-types.

The flute is a skinny, high-shape sounded instrument.

The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.

A contra-bassoon is like a bassoon, only more so.

Tubas are a bit too much.

Music instrument has a plural known as orchestra.

I would like for you to teach me to play the cello. Would tomorrow or Friday be better?

My favorite instrument is the bassoon. It is so hard to play people seldom play it. That is why I like the bassoon best.

It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm.

Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to make a pleasant sound once the animal is removed.

Great quips, Frycek.

I actually think the one about the person who can read all the notes for all the instruments gets to be a conductor has a large degree to truth in it.

Thanks for the laughs.

Kathleen

Oh I am crying over here! These just cracked me up, I read them twice and they still make me laugh so hard I cry! I was going choose one or two that are my favorites, but they are all too great so I'll just leave them up there!

Thank you for sharing this Frycek, I am going to save it to my computer for when I need some comic relief.

Thanks Frycek - loved them all especially "music sung by two people is a duel".

"Out of the mouth of babes----"

Funny !

Thanks, Frycek! Those were hilarious. Sadly enough, it sounds like stuff my (college) students will turn in.

That was hilarious! Thanks for sharing Frycek.

>>When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing eardrums. But if he is good, he knows how to keep it from hurting.<<

Genius!

This is rather deep than funny.

This one just slays me.... Imagine how it would sound if the animal were NOT removed!!

Kids are just too funny.

Now what's wrong with answer??

I've had a lot of students who would reply in such a manner. That's what you get when you ask a stupid question...a stupid answer.

Kathleen

My favorite too.