Pianists and relationships

Posted by: Pogorelich.

Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 11:04 AM

Ever dated another pianist? How did that go? Did it ever get competitive; did you ever argue about music topics/each other's playing?

Not sure if this belongs here, but it IS called pianist corner so I figured it's ok.. =P
Posted by: acortot

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 11:25 AM

I did, but I play a few instruments, have a bit of experience as an arranger and producer and know something about making music in general, not just limited to the piano..

..but I do have the advantage of not really a pianist, so I would never be able to compete in the first place..and I don't get jelous either.

Posted by: heidiv

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 11:31 AM

Originally Posted By: AngelinaPogorelich
Ever dated another pianist?


Nope. I guess you'd need a clipboard hanging on the wall to sign up for piano time, like for the treadmills at the health club.
"Okay honey, you get 6:00-7:00, then I get 7:00-8:00." laugh

I've heard it said in jest that the secret to a happy marriage is separate bathrooms and separate bank accounts. Perhaps if 2 pianists were a couple, separate pianos in separate soundproofed rooms might be necessary too!
Posted by: Entheo

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 11:45 AM

reminds me of a joke:

This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little man. The tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. This other guy notices it. "Hey, what's that?"

"A twelve-inch pianist. Ya see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish, I got a twelve inch pianist."

"Can I try?" The man with the piano agrees and a minute later, a million ducks fill the room.

"Ducks? I didn't wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!"

"Ya think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist?"
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 11:53 AM

Originally Posted By: heidiv


I've heard it said in jest that the secret to a happy marriage is separate bathrooms and separate bank accounts. Perhaps if 2 pianists were a couple, separate pianos in separate soundproofed rooms might be necessary too!


Yup.. either that or hopefully we'll both have studios at the schools we teach.
Posted by: fuzzy8balls

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 12:41 PM

Are you trying to hit on me Angelina?
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 12:55 PM

Hahaha.. I never intentionally hit on people.. =)
Posted by: fuzzy8balls

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 01:29 PM

Hehe I'm just kidding -- I actually did date a pianist for a little bit.

What was funny is that she never wanted to play piano or listen to any type of classical music with me. She just wanted to go out and have fun at the beach, eat hamburgers, go to movies, etc. She wasn't even interested in hearing me play at all.

Honestly I think I practiced even more than she did while I am working a full time systems engineering job. She liked to take pictures of food she cooks and do other stuff. I think she was probably just disillusioned with piano and the music field in general.
Posted by: MegumiNoda

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 04:36 PM

A romantic relationship between two people who participate in the same highly specialized area has both benefits and pitfalls.

Pros:
+ You understand what each other might be going through.
+ You share a serious common interest, and most likely, a similar outlook on everything else because this interest is such a big part of your life.
+ You have one more person whom you trust and who is close to you to give you really honest feedback on your performances -- this feedback may be more valuable than from your teacher because you are closer to each other.
+ You can learn vicariously from each other's experiences.

Cons:
- Competition: Even if you are not particularly competitive in nature, situations may force it upon you.
- On a related note, unless you live in a metropolis like NYC, it may be hard to find a place where both of you can have unhindered career advancement. This is especially true if both of you have identical aspirations. It's more workable if one person wants something slightly different (my piano teacher's husband, for example, focuses more on composing while she focuses more on teaching and performing).

It's only based on anecdotal evidences, but I think the pros outweigh the cons.

[addendum: chances are, you will argue about music at some time. But if you are together, it must mean that you already respect each other. Then, it's much easier to "agree to disagree."]
Posted by: Damon

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 05:12 PM

After much memory searching, I think I can safely say I've never even dated a musician.
Posted by: Orange Soda King

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 05:14 PM

I dated a pianist. smile And we got along fine. We're still good friends today.
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 05:35 PM

Hmm.. interesting stories.

Is anyone married to another pianist? I wonder what that's like!
Posted by: stores

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 06:45 PM

Originally Posted By: AngelinaPogorelich


Is anyone married to another pianist? I wonder what that's like!


You could marry me and find out. =p=p=p
Posted by: Kreisler

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 06:49 PM

I can think of a few very successful pianist couples:

Misha and Cipa Dichter

Elisabeth and Eugene Pridonoff

John and Nancy Weems

Alvin Chow and Angela Cheng


I also know of a few couples who didn't make it, which probably means that pianist couples are just like all the other couples in the world. Some make it, some don't.
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 06:52 PM

So Angela and Andre are done for sure?
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 06:54 PM

Originally Posted By: stores
Originally Posted By: AngelinaPogorelich


Is anyone married to another pianist? I wonder what that's like!


You could marry me and find out. =p=p=p


you can have it out with my man =P
Posted by: fuzzy8balls

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 07:02 PM

haha go stores!
Posted by: LisztAddict

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 07:03 PM

In the next piano competition for amateurs in Chicago, there are 2 couples of husbands and wives competing. I've seen a few sparks in amateur piano competitions; nothing to do with me though. laugh
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 09:23 PM

For me it's been interesting dating a pianist for almost 2 years now. I've always known him as the piano God around here because he's so good.. and I knew him for 5 years before we went out. So I think because of that I never feel competitive. (also, because he's a guy and is 4 years older haha). I've learned so much from him about music and we had duo coachings with his teacher who is INCREDIBLE.

Unfortunately we're aiming for the same job - position at a university, so I don't know how that's going to be. The good thing is, he's heading for performing solo mostly, and I want to do more collab and teaching.

Also being with someone who is so much better than you drives you to get better.. which I have, I think.. I recently won a competition that I wouldn't have had a chance at 2 years ago =) We do fight and we've ripped each other's performances to shreds and I threw a score at him last year before a duo concert.. but it's all good in the end!
Posted by: Kreisler

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 09:29 PM

I'd think twice before applying for the same job. One of my graduate advisors used to warn us away from that because we tended to look very similar on paper and might "cancel each other out."

And be careful how you handle interviews. Be sure you come across as "If you hire me, you also get him - an excellent accompanist. Two pianists for the price of one!" You don't want to come across as "I'll work for you until one of us gets a better job or someone hires us both."
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 09:34 PM

Not for the same job at the same university hopefully... But yeah I know it'll be tough =( Although I don't have to worry about that for at least 7 years!
Posted by: Orange Soda King

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 09:35 PM

These pianists aren't the superstars (yet), but how about Dmitri and Anna Shelest? Anna is a wonderfully talented artist who has released a great Rachmaninoff CD many here seem to be familiar with, and Dmitri is also a wonderful pianist, although he doesn't seem to be as big into the performing as she is.
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 09:39 PM

So the woman has a good career as opposed to the man? Hey that gives me hope =) Maybe I won't end up teaching 4 year olds where middle C is for a living.. (I envy anyone who is great with kids though! Just not my thing).
Posted by: epf

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 10:01 PM

Not only did I date a pianist, I married her! We have TWO pianos in the house, but she almost never plays anymore. She was a better sight reader, I was better at improvisation -- worked out for both of us (been married for over 40 years now).

Ed
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 10:05 PM

Originally Posted By: epf
Not only did I date a pianist, I married her! We have TWO pianos in the house, but she almost never plays anymore. She was a better sight reader, I was better at improvisation -- worked out for both of us (been married for over 40 years now).

Ed


That is soooo sweet!
Posted by: Piano*Dad

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 10:28 PM

Nope, never dated a musician. Then again, I don't think I would qualify for that label either. smile

My wife is rather good with a very sharp blade, so I wouldn't want to get too competitive. grin
Posted by: -Frycek

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 10:57 PM

Well, my husband was reluctant to watch Shine because he said the synopsis made it sound too much like real life - - -
Posted by: MegumiNoda

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 11:38 PM

Originally Posted By: Kreisler

And be careful how you handle interviews. Be sure you come across as "If you hire me, you also get him - an excellent accompanist. Two pianists for the price of one!" You don't want to come across as "I'll work for you until one of us gets a better job or someone hires us both."


Negotiating dual careers in academia (sometimes also known as the "two body problem" amongst the science-oriented set) is tricky, to say the least. I imagine it's even trickier for musicians than science/tech-oriented couples. Although it's not exactly the same thing, the OP might be interested in some of the links collected at this webpage:

http://www.phds.org/jobs/the-two-body-problem/

Posted by: argerichfan

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/15/10 11:47 PM

My significant 'other' is English Lit oriented. We're both Anglican, but there is never any discussion about my abilities (very fine I fancy) as a church organist, mostly confined to comments about The Book of Common Prayer. (Whole 'nother story and hotly debated on a different board.)

We have had some intense interaction regarding Shakespeare, though...
Posted by: -Frycek

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/16/10 06:28 AM

Actually my first love was an organist. I was sixteen. He was twenty-four. We were in an amateur opera company together. My parents wouldn't let him take me out so we would sit on the sofa in my parents' living room and listen to old Mario Lanza recordings. How old fashioned is that?
Posted by: John Pels

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/16/10 07:18 AM

I dated lots of pianists. Some are still friends. I married a soprano. It has been 34 years of bliss. Common interests and common goals was a great strategy. I recommend it to all.
Posted by: Bart Kinlein

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/16/10 07:59 AM

When we started dating about 55 years ago it was music (although not piano) that formed a common interest. Although both of us had piano lessons as kids, by high school she was a violist and I a trombonist.

After college our careers/family took over and we drifted away from music performance, although my wife did find time to take piano lessons on and off for several years. Then about 2 years ago we both decided that piano playing would suit out present circumstances. As a 50th wedding anniversary present we gave each other a rebuilt Steinway "A". Now we are both ardent pianists. We play regularly with a local group of amateur musicians. Through that group we have played at a retirement community and expect to continue to do so.

We do own a second piano (a DP) which sees lots of use early in the mornings and frequently both are in use at the same time (headphones are great during these occasions). There is no competition. I acknowledge that she is much more advanced than I. But her constructive criticism helps me to focus on the important facets of learning. The only downside for me is a desire to be able to play as well as she. But I think even that's a positive as it encourages me to work harder, knowing what is possible.
Posted by: gooddog

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/16/10 10:08 AM

For us, (32 years), it was not common interests but parallel ones and a common moral compass. He likes rock, I love classical. I play piano, he is tone deaf. I teach science, he's a businessman. But we both love to read and do so by the hour - but he reads about history and sports and I read everything else. We both love the outdoors. We both need intellectual stimulation and we both work hard on relationship communication and improvement. We're both open to constructive criticism and we let each other change and grow. He watches a ball game while I practice. I go to baseball games with him and he comes to concerts with me.

32 years of bliss? Well, mostly, but no marriage is perfect and there were growing times when things were less than idealic, but it's been worth it and life is good.
Posted by: Legal Beagle

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/16/10 12:25 PM

The "two-body" issue: We're both lawyers and both musical also. We have performed together, but neither of us is a pro.

I think what's most important in instances where you have a relationship with the "two body issue" is MUTUAL RESPECT. Career-wise, we both genuinely think the other is a better lawyer (I know I'm right... I'd NEVER want to face her in court!).

And musically speaking, we have different talents that we both have great respect for in the other: she's a natural singer with amazing pitch, control, range, the whole package. It just comes out of her and I'm amazed. She feels likewise about my theory knowledge and instrumental skills.

I think the real difficulty would be if one partner were vastly superior to the other in ability, and you both knew it. That would take some maturity and effort on both sides to make it work, I think.
Posted by: bplary1300

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/16/10 12:27 PM

It would drive me crazy I think...I practice in front of my girlfriend all the time and it would definitely make me self-conscious if she was a pianist as well.
Posted by: Cinnamonbear

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/19/10 11:44 AM

Originally Posted By: gooddog
For us, (32 years), it was not common interests but parallel ones and a common moral compass. He likes rock, I love classical. I play piano, he is tone deaf. I teach science, he's a businessman. But we both love to read and do so by the hour - but he reads about history and sports and I read everything else. We both love the outdoors. We both need intellectual stimulation and we both work hard on relationship communication and improvement. We're both open to constructive criticism and we let each other change and grow. He watches a ball game while I practice. I go to baseball games with him and he comes to concerts with me.

32 years of bliss? Well, mostly, but no marriage is perfect and there were growing times when things were less than idealic, but it's been worth it and life is good.


+1

What I am about to tell you has happened more than once: My son (23), daughter (17), wife and I find ourselves in the living room at the same time. THIS IS RARE. It happens incrementally--one person comes in and sits down, then another. Funny thing is, each person sits down to read something. Then, someone will notice how quiet it is. One of us looks up, catches the eye of another, who catches the eye of another, and pretty soon we're all laughing together because we realize we all had our nose in a book in the same room at the same time! "Shouldn't we be talking ?" laugh
Posted by: Nadia

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/19/10 08:37 PM

Originally Posted By: -Frycek
Actually my first love was an organist. I was sixteen. He was twenty-four. We were in an amateur opera company together. My parents wouldn't let him take me out so we would sit on the sofa in my parents' living room and listen to old Mario Lanza recordings. How old fashioned is that?


ah, sooo sweet! My heart is melting :-)
Posted by: Nadia

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/19/10 08:46 PM

So what happens if an amateur, who is just OK at the piano, marries an expert professional pianist? Suppose they are not competitive because the amateur has a career of their own going, but would lack of his/her proficiency at the piano drive the professional crazy? Would the professional get annoyed from hearing average/mediocre playing in the house?
Posted by: gooddog

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/19/10 09:35 PM

Originally Posted By: Cinnamonbear
What I am about to tell you has happened more than once: My son (23), daughter (17), wife and I find ourselves in the living room at the same time. THIS IS RARE. It happens incrementally--one person comes in and sits down, then another. Funny thing is, each person sits down to read something. Then, someone will notice how quiet it is. One of us looks up, catches the eye of another, who catches the eye of another, and pretty soon we're all laughing together because we realize we all had our nose in a book in the same room at the same time! "Shouldn't we be talking ?" laugh

Your house sounds like my house. Being a parent has taught me that kids don't learn by listening to what you say. They learn by watching what you do and observing how you live your life. It's not necessary to be talking all the time. Sitting together reading comfortably in silence is a very reassuring and intimate kind of communication.
Posted by: Rui725

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/19/10 11:45 PM

Originally Posted By: Nadia
So what happens if an amateur, who is just OK at the piano, marries an expert professional pianist? Suppose they are not competitive because the amateur has a career of their own going, but would lack of his/her proficiency at the piano drive the professional crazy? Would the professional get annoyed from hearing average/mediocre playing in the house?



FREE LESSONS FOR LIFE.
Posted by: argerichfan

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/20/10 12:14 AM

Originally Posted By: -Frycek
Actually my first love was an organist.

I would never date an organist. Too much competition, thank-you. wink

I get into enough bitch-fights with church musicians as it is. I tend to be too passionate about that stuff. Throw in a few drinks and it's epic warfare.
Posted by: Mattardo

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/20/10 07:48 AM

I think the result would be pure dynamite.
It's very hard to keep aloof or professional, sometimes, when you find another person who shares the same musical passions you do and you make music together. I meant no pun there, but the pun can certainly apply. I find playing music with someone else extremely meaningful, unless that other person is so jaded and bored of the music it becomes a chore. I try to stay away from those types of people, and if I find myself becoming one I try to rectify the situation.

Maybe it's just me, but I think playing music with other people can have an extreme romantic and sexual charge involved. I don't mean to be crude, but I've seen many posts focusing on the difficulties in such a relationship and very few on the good parts of such a relationship, and probably even less dealing with the sparks that can fly. I mean, they say opposites attract - but I have never liked that. My girlfriend is a musical ignoramus, and there is no joy in playing music around such a person - not even to try and awake some latent spark of appreciation: it just won't ever happen, I'm afraid. So it's difficult knowing your 'soul-mate' is not interested in your main passion: at least she understands not to try to come between me and my playing, if a choice ever needed to be made heh.

To make a long story short - playing the piano is bliss, playing the piano with someone else is even more blissful! I can't imagine a more romantic, more fullfilling relationship than 2 people who love their piano/music as much as they love each other - one would bolster the other, help to build it up, raise it even higher. Ah..
Posted by: ChopinAddict

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/20/10 06:37 PM

Some time ago I knew two organists who were the perfect example of perfect love... So inspiring...

One thing to consider (it has probably already been mentioned) is where you live... It can be very difficult in an apartment with two musicians, but in a big house it should be OK...
Posted by: Nikolas

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/20/10 06:48 PM

My wife and I met in a concert where I was performing one of my pieces around 10 years ago. She approached me and told me "I want to be friends". And we hit it off. She plays the piano (have done a few concerts with her, although none of us is a 'pro' soloist), and she has had advanced theory lessons.

BUT... she's an architect by profession.
Posted by: BruceD

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/20/10 07:51 PM

Originally Posted By: Mattardo
[...]My girlfriend is a musical ignoramus, and there is no joy in playing music around such a person - not even to try and awake some latent spark of appreciation: it just won't ever happen, I'm afraid. So it's difficult knowing your 'soul-mate' is not interested in your main passion: at least she understands not to try to come between me and my playing, if a choice ever needed to be made heh.


What sort of future is there in a relationship where one not only does not share the other's passion but is an "ignoramus" about it? Is she really your "soul-mate"?

Regards,
Posted by: Mattardo

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/20/10 08:03 PM

Originally Posted By: BruceD
Originally Posted By: Mattardo
[...]My girlfriend is a musical ignoramus, and there is no joy in playing music around such a person - not even to try and awake some latent spark of appreciation: it just won't ever happen, I'm afraid. So it's difficult knowing your 'soul-mate' is not interested in your main passion: at least she understands not to try to come between me and my playing, if a choice ever needed to be made heh.


What sort of future is there in a relationship where one not only does not share the other's passion but is an "ignoramus" about it? Is she really your "soul-mate"?

Regards,


Ha - not much future, I'm afraid. But we try, anyways!
Ah well..I put 'soul-mate' in quotes for a reason - she isn't the one, yet. If there even is such a thing, with men being naturally polygamous and all that jazz...but that's a whole 'nother topic!

I'll find her some day, probably. I hope. shocked
Posted by: ChopinAddict

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/20/10 08:10 PM

Well, there is also the "opposites attract" theory... Not for me though.
Once someone who, as I was later told (to my horror ha), was in love with me was here with an "excuse" that he had lost his keys and kept watching TV and all the ads, and laughing, and I really couldn't stand all that. I had such a headache when he left... smile
Posted by: Chardonnay

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/20/10 09:07 PM

Quote:
she isn't the one, yet. If there even is such a thing, ...........
..............I'll find her some day, probably. I hope.

Well, OK- we get it- but why wait? Why not 'turn her loose' now, so that you can both begin the process of finding the "right one'? Why delay? Life is too short.
You're not necessarily doing her any favor by remaining in a dead-end relationship.
Posted by: argerichfan

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/20/10 10:37 PM

Originally Posted By: Mattardo

I'll find her some day, probably. I hope. shocked

Well I would hope so too. Thanks for your contributions here.

My significant 'other' appreciates my organ playing, and we both have an interest in the C of E. As mentioned earlier, my significant other is more literature oriented, but that's no problem: it's a bit of another passion in my life. Also it certainly helps that we are politically aligned.

Do I have it right that a major component in a successful relationship is (a) agreeing on politics, religion and Wagner, or (b) not ever discussing it, particularly when alcohol is involved?
Posted by: Horowitzian

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/20/10 10:39 PM

Originally Posted By: argerichfan
[...]
Do I have it right that a major component in a successful relationship is (a) agreeing on politics, religion and Wagner, or (b) not ever discussing it, particularly when alcohol is involved?


I know some perfectly happily married couples who fall under choice (b). laugh So it is possible. smile
Posted by: argerichfan

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/20/10 10:42 PM

Originally Posted By: Horowitzian
Originally Posted By: argerichfan
[...]
Do I have it right that a major component in a successful relationship is (a) agreeing on politics, religion and Wagner, or (b) not ever discussing it, particularly when alcohol is involved?


I know some perfectly happily married couples who fall under choice (b). laugh So it is possible. smile

I do too, in fact a married couple I know (they're almost surrogate parents to me) fall into the 'b' category.
Posted by: Horowitzian

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/20/10 10:45 PM

smile

Of course there's the quintessential 'b'...Mary Matalin and James Carville. grin But we won't go any further than that...
Posted by: argerichfan

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/20/10 11:21 PM

Originally Posted By: Horowitzian
smile

Of course there's the quintessential 'b'...Mary Matalin and James Carville. grin

Admit I had to Google that. Interesting...

The couple I know have very divergent religious beliefs: one of them is a Christian Scientist, the other is Jewish. They simply never talk religion.

Though interestingly my grandmother is a Christian Scientist (through her I have landed gigs in their churches- they pay fairly well), and I make no criticism of that faith. There's some interesting stuff going on there -and I have studied their textbook- but that's TOTALLY outside the scope of this board, and let's not go there.
Posted by: Mattardo

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/21/10 12:35 AM

Originally Posted By: argerichfan
Originally Posted By: Horowitzian
Originally Posted By: argerichfan
[...]
Do I have it right that a major component in a successful relationship is (a) agreeing on politics, religion and Wagner, or (b) not ever discussing it, particularly when alcohol is involved?


I know some perfectly happily married couples who fall under choice (b). laugh So it is possible. smile

I do too, in fact a married couple I know (they're almost surrogate parents to me) fall into the 'b' category.


It reminds me of the Fawlty Towers episode where Sybil tells her husband to 'turn off that racket' and he says "Racket? Racket?! IT's Brahms! Brahms' 3rd Racket!" Or something similar.

They always say never discuss politics or religion over the dinner table, too. I think autopsies of wheat-thresher accidents is the 3rd one you're not supposed to discuss over dinner..
Posted by: Mattardo

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/21/10 12:39 AM

Originally Posted By: Chardonnay
Quote:
she isn't the one, yet. If there even is such a thing, ...........
..............I'll find her some day, probably. I hope.

Well, OK- we get it- but why wait? Why not 'turn her loose' now, so that you can both begin the process of finding the "right one'? Why delay? Life is too short.
You're not necessarily doing her any favor by remaining in a dead-end relationship.


I took your advice and booted her out. But now she keeps banging on the front door, yammering on about "Hey, I live here!" and "Give me my cat!" and "You could have at least let me put some pants on first!"
Dangit.
smirk
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/21/10 12:41 AM

I'll add a 4th one to M's previous post, and that is never discuss Wozzeck over the dinner table. Plates will fly!
Posted by: Kreisler

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/21/10 08:25 AM

One of the first discussions I ever had with my wife was on Wozzeck. laugh
Posted by: Rania

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/21/10 08:37 AM

Originally Posted By: Nadia
So what happens if an amateur, who is just OK at the piano, marries an expert professional pianist? Suppose they are not competitive because the amateur has a career of their own going, but would lack of his/her proficiency at the piano drive the professional crazy? Would the professional get annoyed from hearing average/mediocre playing in the house?


I am a student of classical piano, and for a year I dated a guitarist/keyboardist/vocalist/songwriter who played some classical music but was more in the pop music scene. It wasn't a good idea. I always felt he was trying to pull me towards kinds of music that were interesting to me but which I didn't wanna make the time for then. I was at a point where I desperately needed all the time I could find for music (I was going to school for another major), and our relationship was in some ways a setback. He would ask me to do things like write lyrics or songs, always feeling like he was doing the great thing of putting me "out there" and pushing me to make use of my potential composing skills, and it was always, understandably, personally offending when I didn't make enough time for it, when I resisted doing gigs and recordings and playing in bands, all the things he was really into. I wanted to be a classical musician. And it was never enough to him. Performance could never be an end in itself- he thought of it as only a tool to improve his technique and his musical understanding so he can play his own music. And to him, attending a concert was always more about the person sitting next to you whom you're watching the music with than the music itself.

Now, if I dated a musician, I would want him to be someone who breathed Brahms and Bach and Beethoven.
Posted by: Rania

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/21/10 01:48 PM

Originally Posted By: Mattardo
playing the piano is bliss, playing the piano with someone else is even more blissful! I can't imagine a more romantic, more fullfilling relationship than 2 people who love their piano/music as much as they love each other - one would bolster the other, help to build it up, raise it even higher.



That really must be blissful. Having someone who not only forgives but also himself shares and lives that undivided love.
Posted by: fuzzy8balls

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/21/10 02:16 PM

I wish I could find a violinist to play with (in all meanings) =) hehe
Posted by: Horowitzian

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/21/10 02:22 PM

Originally Posted By: Mattardo
[...] I think autopsies of wheat-thresher accidents is the 3rd one you're not supposed to discuss over dinner..


Autopsies of any sort for that matter. sick
Posted by: Orange Soda King

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/21/10 06:23 PM

Personally, I'd like to be with a woman who could play classical piano well. I don't know yet if it would matter if she had made it her profession (like I plan to) or not, but I think it would be great to have someone who understood me.

Since I want to be a professor also, if worse came to worse I could do the majority of my practicing in my office.

Originally Posted By: fuzzy8balls
I wish I could find a violinist to play with (in all meanings) =) hehe

That's a pretty cool little post there buddy.
Posted by: ChopinLives81

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/21/10 07:00 PM

Piano World Dating website anyone???

Sounds like a good idea right about now grin

Think about it, a matchmaker board for PW singles everywhere..haha!!
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/21/10 11:49 PM

I guess I'm pretty lucky to have found someone who is also a pianist and has the same passion about music as I do... and the same goals, which I think is very important. I can't imagine being with someone who is not in music.. I think that would be very weird for me.

But then again, I also can't imagine being with anyone else besides my man heart
Posted by: Rui725

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/22/10 12:51 AM

Originally Posted By: AngelinaPogorelich
I guess I'm pretty lucky to have found someone who is also a pianist and has the same passion about music as I do... and the same goals, which I think is very important. I can't imagine being with someone who is not in music.. I think that would be very weird for me.

But then again, I also can't imagine being with anyone else besides my man heart


Logically, the next step should be this:
http://www.dirtyragz.com/productdetails.aspx?pid=308&o1=1183
Posted by: Mattardo

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/22/10 07:38 AM

Originally Posted By: Rui725
Originally Posted By: AngelinaPogorelich
I guess I'm pretty lucky to have found someone who is also a pianist and has the same passion about music as I do... and the same goals, which I think is very important. I can't imagine being with someone who is not in music.. I think that would be very weird for me.

But then again, I also can't imagine being with anyone else besides my man heart


Logically, the next step should be this:
http://www.dirtyragz.com/productdetails.aspx?pid=308&o1=1183



Such an inspiring shirt ha.
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/22/10 08:18 AM

Hahaha well not for another 5 years at least..
Posted by: Legal Beagle

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/22/10 09:47 AM

Quote:
Such an inspiring shirt ha.


Yeah, no kidding. This is going to be OT and nothing but a personal rant, but here goes anyway:

The T-shirt is cute and all, and I understand it's just supposed to be something funny... but the "game over" caption and the frowning groom get my dander up a little. I'm increasingly annoyed and offended by the ever-perpetuated "joke" that men don't want to get married... women have to trap them into it... it's the end of their life as they know it... etc.

You know, not all men are like that. I am not only madly in love with my wife, but thrilled to be married to her (I was much more keen to get married than she was!). I happen to want a committed, caring, supportive relationship with her that is going to grow and deepen more and more as time goes by together. What a wonderful way to enrich your life! And the older I get, the more I realize that a lot of men around me really feel exactly the same way, but because of the popular culture myth to the contrary, many of them think it would be "unmanly" to admit it. What a pity, IMO.
Posted by: Elene

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/22/10 10:11 AM

Wasn't there a movie about this-- I think it was called The Competition?

I fell in love with a pianist when he was 10 and I was 11. We kind of grew up together. Last I heard of him, he was doing a lot of drugs, treating his wife abusively, and not playing anymore.

I have some sort of bizarre predilection for keyboard players, which has continued over the years. Won't bore you with the stories.

However, I married a woodwind player (who is really a closet percussionist). Sometimes he does play the piano, though. If I am ill or out of sorts, I find that if I curl up under the grand and soak up the sound while he improvises, I feel much better.

We've been together for over 30 years. I regret that we're not in a band or ensemble anymore like we were early on. I do dance with his band, though, so I get to be part of the show sometimes.

Perhaps a dating service for musicians could be a real moneymaker for someone! Except that musicians often don't have money....

Elene
Posted by: MaryAnna

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/23/10 12:54 PM

I was married to a serious amateur guitarist for 18 years, which worked out well, musically. (I fall into the serious amateur category, too, pianistically--my education is in engineering and I write mystery novels now. But the piano is my sanity-keeper, and my music of choice is classical.) He was an excellent musician and our acoustic trio played around town for much of our marriage. Music was not the problem...

A few months ago, I went out once with a man who was so obviously not right for me. I spent the afternoon wishing a bus would roll past so that I could throw myself under its wheels. When the date was finally over, he wouldn't let me leave until he'd played his treasured guitar for me. So there we sat in the parking lot and I learned that, not only is he a not-enthralling date, he's a pretty bad guitar player. And I thought, "Oh, no. Is my dating pool now radically smaller, because I couldn't stand spending the rest of my life listening to this and smiling and saying, 'That's great, sweetie!'?"

Lately, I've been going out with a man who attended a music conservatory until he dropped out to travel the world as a sound engineer for the likes of Elton John and Stevie Wonder. He works in a completely different field now, but he plays a bunch of instruments, composes, sings. I thought, "Oh, great. *He's* going to want to throw himself under a bus when he hears me play."

But no. He likes to show me new blues licks on the piano and to try to teach me guitar. He says I sing like a young Joni Mitchell (extra-nice since I think he knew her when she was young) and he says I'm a kick-*ss sightreader. So maybe the answer is that if the relationship is good in other ways, a disparity in musical ability can be overlooked. In this case, it's way too soon to tell.

I do know that the down-side of dating musicians in particular and artists in general is that they are an extremely eccentric bunch. Not talking about anybody in particular. Just sayin'...
Posted by: Rui725

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/23/10 01:12 PM

Originally Posted By: Legal Beagle
Quote:
Such an inspiring shirt ha.


Yeah, no kidding. This is going to be OT and nothing but a personal rant, but here goes anyway:

The T-shirt is cute and all, and I understand it's just supposed to be something funny... but the "game over" caption and the frowning groom get my dander up a little. I'm increasingly annoyed and offended by the ever-perpetuated "joke" that men don't want to get married... women have to trap them into it... it's the end of their life as they know it... etc.

You know, not all men are like that. I am not only madly in love with my wife, but thrilled to be married to her (I was much more keen to get married than she was!). I happen to want a committed, caring, supportive relationship with her that is going to grow and deepen more and more as time goes by together. What a wonderful way to enrich your life! And the older I get, the more I realize that a lot of men around me really feel exactly the same way, but because of the popular culture myth to the contrary, many of them think it would be "unmanly" to admit it. What a pity, IMO.


Depends on what stage of life you are in. A man in his early 20's with that mentality, not as likely as someone in his early 30's and 40's. It's innocent fun and I like the t-shirt. I'm happy that you have found that right one for you but not everyone is fortunate enough to have that experience in life. Better off romanticizing oneself with the piano than placing any time on a species that is so deceptive and unreliable. OT end.

Posted by: MaryBee

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/23/10 02:45 PM

Originally Posted By: BruceD
What sort of future is there in a relationship where one not only does not share the other's passion but is an "ignoramus" about it? Is she really your "soul-mate"?
I don't think the partners in a relationship necessarily have to share the same passions. In fact, if a relationship is based only on shared passions, is it possible to run into problems down the road? Because over a lifetime, those passions are likely to change. Personally, I have found it very fulfilling to learn about my husband's interests, respect and support them, share them to the level we can, and keep my own interests alive to share with him.
Posted by: Mattardo

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/23/10 11:11 PM

Originally Posted By: Rui725
Originally Posted By: Legal Beagle
Quote:
Such an inspiring shirt ha.


Yeah, no kidding. This is going to be OT and nothing but a personal rant, but here goes anyway:

The T-shirt is cute and all, and I understand it's just supposed to be something funny... but the "game over" caption and the frowning groom get my dander up a little. I'm increasingly annoyed and offended by the ever-perpetuated "joke" that men don't want to get married... women have to trap them into it... it's the end of their life as they know it... etc.

You know, not all men are like that. I am not only madly in love with my wife, but thrilled to be married to her (I was much more keen to get married than she was!). I happen to want a committed, caring, supportive relationship with her that is going to grow and deepen more and more as time goes by together. What a wonderful way to enrich your life! And the older I get, the more I realize that a lot of men around me really feel exactly the same way, but because of the popular culture myth to the contrary, many of them think it would be "unmanly" to admit it. What a pity, IMO.


Depends on what stage of life you are in. A man in his early 20's with that mentality, not as likely as someone in his early 30's and 40's. It's innocent fun and I like the t-shirt. I'm happy that you have found that right one for you but not everyone is fortunate enough to have that experience in life. Better off romanticizing oneself with the piano than placing any time on a species that is so deceptive and unreliable. OT end.



Sounds like a Brahms fan! cool
Posted by: argerichfan

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/23/10 11:40 PM

Originally Posted By: Mattardo

Sounds like a Brahms fan! cool

Then best approached with caution.

I had a friend several years ago who thought Brahms the greatest composer since Beethoven. That's fair enough; there's an awful lot going for that. But here was the catch: he hated Liszt. As a result the battle lines were always drawn between us, and he just couldn't settle for enjoying both composers. It was one to the exclusion of the other. No compromise.

Disclaimer: my friend was not a musician. He somewhat liked Elgar -and you can vaguely hear the 1st mov't of the Brahms 3rd symphony in the background of the 1st mov't of Elgar's 2nd- but basically he felt music was finished off with Brahms. How do you argue with that? And we won't mention the Wagner issues...
Posted by: stores

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/23/10 11:47 PM

Originally Posted By: argerichfan
Originally Posted By: Mattardo

Sounds like a Brahms fan! cool

Then best approached with caution.

I had a friend several years ago who thought Brahms the greatest composer since Beethoven. That's fair enough; there's an awful lot going for that. But here was the catch: he hated Liszt. As a result the battle lines were always drawn between us, and he just couldn't settle for enjoying both composers. It was one to the exclusion of the other. No compromise.

Disclaimer: my friend was not a musician. He somewhat liked Elgar -and you can vaguely hear the 1st mov't of the Brahms 3rd symphony in the background of the 1st mov't of Elgar's 2nd- but basically he felt music was finished off with Brahms. How do you argue with that? And we won't mention the Wagner issues...


Your friend followed in Brahms' footsteps quite closely. I'm not sure that Brahms HATED Liszt, but the two weren't all too fond of each other. I take it he wasn't a Wagner fan, eh? Can't say I blame him lol.
Posted by: beet31425

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/23/10 11:52 PM

Jason, I used to hate Liszt too (until about six months ago). Even though I loved Mahler and Wagner (and I'm sure would love Elgar too if I knew him better).

Your friend sounds different, if his dislike of Liszt was a specific case of the general rule of disliking everyone after Brahms! But still, everyone has such different opinions; how can you expect them to line up? I love Schoenberg, but if I drew battle lines around him, my life would be very lonely. smile



-Jason
Posted by: BruceD

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/23/10 11:59 PM

Originally Posted By: MaryBee
Originally Posted By: BruceD
What sort of future is there in a relationship where one not only does not share the other's passion but is an "ignoramus" about it? Is she really your "soul-mate"?
I don't think the partners in a relationship necessarily have to share the same passions. In fact, if a relationship is based only on shared passions, is it possible to run into problems down the road? Because over a lifetime, those passions are likely to change. Personally, I have found it very fulfilling to learn about my husband's interests, respect and support them, share them to the level we can, and keep my own interests alive to share with him.


I think your situation and the one described are totally different. I didn't say she has to share his passion but she should least respect it or respect him for it.

I guess you missed the part where he said that she was an "ignoramus" about his passion. If she is totally ignorant about and uninterested in his passion and has no desire to share in it, how long is it going to be before she is so bored by it that she either ridicules it or ridicules him?
Posted by: argerichfan

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 12:14 AM

Originally Posted By: stores
I take it he wasn't a Wagner fan, eh? Can't say I blame him lol.

Seriously? I adore Wagner, though recent Met b'casts this season of Verdi operas have proven to me once again that Verdi was a sovereign master. Even Stiffelio (the last opera before the BIG THREE) had my undivided attention. Verdi rocks.
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 12:19 AM

Originally Posted By: argerichfan
Originally Posted By: stores
I take it he wasn't a Wagner fan, eh? Can't say I blame him lol.

Seriously? I adore Wagner, though recent Met b'casts this season of Verdi operas have proven to me once again that Verdi was a sovereign master. Even Stiffelio (the last opera before the BIG THREE) had my undivided attention. Verdi rocks.


Wagner is amazing!! Stores better watch it...
Posted by: argerichfan

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 12:25 AM

Originally Posted By: beet31425
Jason, I used to hate Liszt too (until about six months ago). Even though I loved Mahler and Wagner (and I'm sure would love Elgar too if I knew him better).

Your friend sounds different, if his dislike of Liszt was a specific case of the general rule of disliking everyone after Brahms! But still, everyone has such different opinions; how can you expect them to line up? I love Schoenberg, but if I drew battle lines around him, my life would be very lonely. smile

Jason, my good mate, what caused you to change your opinion of Liszt? A particular piece or reading about him? Do tell.

You would like Elgar. It is music of very intense, yet personal, integrity and seriousness. Brits like to claim him as their 'own', but with the exception of the occasional music, there is nothing particularly British about Elgar at all. He firmly belongs in the European Mahler-Strauss school.

I'm not really big on Schoenberg. I like the piano and violin concertos, a bit of Moses and Aaron, but the piano music and the wind quintet tend to bypass me. I have not reached 30 yet, so that needs to be kept in mind. Thanks for your post.
Posted by: argerichfan

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 12:27 AM

Originally Posted By: AngelinaPogorelich

Wagner is amazing!! Stores better watch it...

What does your boyfriend think about Wagner? And what pop music does he like? Inquiring minds wish to know. wink
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 12:53 AM

Originally Posted By: argerichfan
Originally Posted By: AngelinaPogorelich

Wagner is amazing!! Stores better watch it...

What does your boyfriend think about Wagner? And what pop music does he like? Inquiring minds wish to know. wink


He loves Wagner too. He doesn't really like pop music.. every time we go to a bar or something we both make fun of whatever's playing. Rarely he'll say he doesn't "mind" some pop song playing in the background. He's hardcore classical =) Kind of like me, but at least I listen to some 70s rock, like Zeppelin. It's really strange, I've never met anyone, save for one or two profs/teachers, who knows as much about music as he does.
Posted by: Rui725

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 02:37 AM

I dated this girl once, during a outing one night with her best friend and room mate, she asked everyone this question: "If there was one thing you would want someone you love do for you, what would it be." We all had a bunch of wine and I answered truthfully. I said, I would want that other person to attend a performance of Mahler's 5th with me. Fast forward 5 seconds and:

"blank stare from everyone, including the girl I was dating."

It didn't work out.

She liked hip-hop, I liked classical, though it was fun while it lasted, I found similar musical taste to be a pretty high on my list when finding a companion.
Posted by: Mattardo

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 06:09 AM

Originally Posted By: BruceD
Originally Posted By: MaryBee
Originally Posted By: BruceD
What sort of future is there in a relationship where one not only does not share the other's passion but is an "ignoramus" about it? Is she really your "soul-mate"?
I don't think the partners in a relationship necessarily have to share the same passions. In fact, if a relationship is based only on shared passions, is it possible to run into problems down the road? Because over a lifetime, those passions are likely to change. Personally, I have found it very fulfilling to learn about my husband's interests, respect and support them, share them to the level we can, and keep my own interests alive to share with him.


I think your situation and the one described are totally different. I didn't say she has to share his passion but she should least respect it or respect him for it.

I guess you missed the part where he said that she was an "ignoramus" about his passion. If she is totally ignorant about and uninterested in his passion and has no desire to share in it, how long is it going to be before she is so bored by it that she either ridicules it or ridicules him?


Yes, that's correct - the situations are different.
It's one thing for a lover to at least feign interest in a partner's hobbies, or at least be polite about it and curious out of courtesy, supportive and helpful.
It's another thing when the partner can't abide the slightest mention of it, and assumes any attempt at conversation on the topic is some personal civil-rights violation, or an attempt to brainwash them into being a mindless clone of their partner - exactly alike in all areas, rather than a simple conversation out of a desire to share thoughts and emotions.

The latter situaion is more applicable to me currently.
It can best be summed up by saying that some people feign interest in somone else's hobbies during the courting stage of a relationship, and only later is it clear that it was feigned and the person takes any mention of the hobby as an insult to their intelligence, any attempt to make the slightest conversation on it a civil rights issue, any attempt at understanding another's feelings an attempt at brain-washing or an exercise in cloning. Some people had a bad experience in school, and anything even smelling remotely of learning something new is to be avoided - even if it involves changing one's mind towards a subject: there's a large amount of pride involved there, no doubt.

So yes - the situation is a bit different. The first example is what most people expect: courtesy, respect, support. The 2nd example can be quite aggravating and soul-crushing. I can't say it hasn't changed my relationship with her.
Posted by: Harpsichord

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 06:49 AM

Almost had a grade 8 pianist girlfriend. Oh well... But when I'm with her, it's good that we share common topics to talk about as for skill wise, she knew I'm a beginner. Guess it's fine and no crashing or argument about piano stuff. She was actually hoping her current bf could play any instrument so she can duet. *Not sure if she mind doing 4 hand piano pieces if her boyfriend is actually another pianist :P*

On the other hand, I had a violinist friend and her girlfriend is a pianist. They enjoyed playing duet lol.
Posted by: stores

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 07:02 AM

Originally Posted By: argerichfan
Originally Posted By: stores
I take it he wasn't a Wagner fan, eh? Can't say I blame him lol.

Seriously? I adore Wagner, though recent Met b'casts this season of Verdi operas have proven to me once again that Verdi was a sovereign master. Even Stiffelio (the last opera before the BIG THREE) had my undivided attention. Verdi rocks.


Yeah. I'm just not, at all, a fan. I DO think his place in musical history is highly underscored (most likely because of his personal views), because the man was, without a doubt, quite genius and I completely respect his abilities. He just doesn't do it for me, however.
Posted by: stores

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 07:04 AM

Originally Posted By: AngelinaPogorelich
Originally Posted By: argerichfan
Originally Posted By: stores
I take it he wasn't a Wagner fan, eh? Can't say I blame him lol.

Seriously? I adore Wagner, though recent Met b'casts this season of Verdi operas have proven to me once again that Verdi was a sovereign master. Even Stiffelio (the last opera before the BIG THREE) had my undivided attention. Verdi rocks.


Wagner is amazing!! Stores better watch it...


Blah, blah, blah =p hahaha. Normally I'd have my running shoes on getting ready to get a head start, but since I sprained my back yesterday morning I won't be going anywhere fast for a while =( Guess you'll catch me this time =p
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 11:37 AM

Stores: so you LIED to me when you said you liked my Wagner-Liszt?!??!?!?! Tsk tsk. You need to get listening to something POST 18th century please!

Mattardo: Pardon my bluntness, but why are you with such person?
Posted by: Diablo

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 12:44 PM

When I first got divorced I dated a widowed piano teacher who lived in a very expensive house. I had already experience of dating time wasters who only wanted a night out in expensive restaurants at my cost. So I told this date that we could go for a drink in a pub. She took me to the bar restaurant of a golf club where she had two double gin and tonics which I paid for, then she said she felt hungry and agreed we would pay for lunch separately. When I got the menu I almost felt of my chair looking at the prices as I had never been to a golf club before. So I opted for another pint of beer while she ate a substantial expensive lunch. At paying time she said she had forgotten her purse at home and could I pay, please?. I did so with the understanding she would pay me back on our return to her house. When she got out of my car she said she had had a good day and bye bye. Realizing she was another time waster I got out and told her she had not let me hear her playing, above all Debussy, she had told me it was a delight to hear her. So she let me in and started playing. I thought it was quite awful but I said it was wonderful but I wouldn`t leave the house till she paid me for her lunch. So I sat on her couch and stayed there till she came up with the money. Eventually she paid me and on leaving she told me I was the tightest b****ard she ever met and I told her she was the most awful player I ever heard. From then on I learned that if one is tight with his money one shouldn`t date a pianist. Next time I`ll try a violinist.
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 12:58 PM

^ oh come on, not all pianists are like that at all. If anything I would've said vocalist.... maybe..

My boyfriend and I always split things. And since I make more than him, I sometimes treat him =)

So don't generalize!
Posted by: Legal Beagle

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 01:04 PM

Quote:
Eventually she paid me and on leaving she told me I was the tightest b****ard she ever met and I told her she was the most awful player I ever heard.


laugh That's absolutely hilarious. That should be a scene in a movie. Thanks for the chuckle.
Posted by: Frozenicicles

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 01:10 PM

Originally Posted By: AngelinaPogorelich
...My boyfriend and I always split things. And since I make more than him, I sometimes treat him =)

That's pretty progressive of him. A lot of guys don't like it when the girl pays. Didn't you mention that he's a pretty well-known musician already? You must be doing well, then. thumb
Posted by: Mattardo

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 01:19 PM

Originally Posted By: AngelinaPogorelich

Mattardo: Pardon my bluntness, but why are you with such person?


Like I mentioned, some people are not who they seem to be and we often don't realize this until much later in a relationship (you know the saying: "Love is blind"). Through a combination of denial, slow-realization, love and routine it has continued for some years and is quickly running its course to it's inevitable end. There are just factors involved that exclude a sudden sundering of the relationship: it's just not as easy as 1,2,3 - it never is.

I imagine by the end of the year the situation will be different, and I'll be either single or in another relationship again!

I like the idea mentioned earlier in the thread, though - Piano Forum should open a "Looking for Love" Section! laugh Sections could include "Pianist looking for Pianist" or "Pianist looking for Violinist" and "Pianist looking to start Trio" (Ooh kinky!) or "Pianist looking for attractive Tuner willing to trade love for a well-voiced instrument"....Who's in charge of this place? blush
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 01:21 PM

Originally Posted By: Frozenicicles
Originally Posted By: AngelinaPogorelich
...My boyfriend and I always split things. And since I make more than him, I sometimes treat him =)

That's pretty progressive of him. A lot of guys don't like it when the girl pays. Didn't you mention that he's a pretty well-known musician already? You must be doing well, then. thumb


Oh he doesn't always like it but if I want a night out and he says he's short on money I insist on going out and paying. I wouldn't force him to pay if it's me who insists on going out =P

He is well known but he's also still a student.. the only reason I make more is because I teach and he doesn't - he only accompanies and does gigs, which isn't stable and mine is.. I mean orchestra gigs are great but that doesn't happen very often! So I'm able to save a reasonable amount of $$ every month. Also, my rent is nothing compared to his..
Posted by: Diablo

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 06:10 PM



So I'm able to save a reasonable amount of $$ every month. Also, my rent is nothing compared to his.. [/quote]


Could you please lend me some money to date another pianist?.......
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/24/10 06:18 PM

Haha you wish.. Kinda need it for my tuition!
Posted by: Cinnamonbear

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/25/10 11:05 AM

Originally Posted By: Mattardo

I like the idea mentioned earlier in the thread, though - Piano Forum should open a "Looking for Love" Section! laugh Sections could include "Pianist looking for Pianist" or "Pianist looking for Violinist" and "Pianist looking to start Trio" (Ooh kinky!) or "Pianist looking for attractive Tuner willing to trade love for a well-voiced instrument"....


laugh ha ha ha ha

Laughed till I cried at this one, M.
Posted by: Cinnamonbear

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/26/10 01:46 AM

Originally Posted By: Mattardo
I like the idea mentioned earlier in the thread, though - Piano Forum should open a "Looking for Love" Section! laugh Sections could include "Pianist looking for Pianist" or "Pianist looking for Violinist" and "Pianist looking to start Trio" (Ooh kinky!) or "Pianist looking for attractive Tuner willing to trade love for a well-voiced instrument"....Who's in charge of this place? blush


Have you seen this?

YouTube--Do You Want To Date My Avatar?

(Sorry about the commercial in front. The video is a hoot!)
Posted by: Mattardo

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/26/10 09:21 AM

Originally Posted By: Cinnamonbear
Originally Posted By: Mattardo
I like the idea mentioned earlier in the thread, though - Piano Forum should open a "Looking for Love" Section! laugh Sections could include "Pianist looking for Pianist" or "Pianist looking for Violinist" and "Pianist looking to start Trio" (Ooh kinky!) or "Pianist looking for attractive Tuner willing to trade love for a well-voiced instrument"....Who's in charge of this place? blush


Have you seen this?

YouTube--Do You Want To Date My Avatar?

(Sorry about the commercial in front. The video is a hoot!)


Now I have! Pretty funny!
I watched a few episodes of the original season some time ago.
Posted by: Nadia

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/26/10 06:01 PM

Originally Posted By: Rui725
I dated this girl once, during a outing one night with her best friend and room mate, she asked everyone this question: "If there was one thing you would want someone you love do for you, what would it be." We all had a bunch of wine and I answered truthfully. I said, I would want that other person to attend a performance of Mahler's 5th with me.

+1 for Mahler 5! I love that music, and I can only hope that my future partner would too...
I have played a recording of the adagietto to several friends/boyfriends before and no one got it... I stopped doing it.
Posted by: Rui725

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/26/10 06:27 PM

Originally Posted By: Nadia
Originally Posted By: Rui725
I dated this girl once, during a outing one night with her best friend and room mate, she asked everyone this question: "If there was one thing you would want someone you love do for you, what would it be." We all had a bunch of wine and I answered truthfully. I said, I would want that other person to attend a performance of Mahler's 5th with me.

+1 for Mahler 5! I love that music, and I can only hope that my future partner would too...
I have played a recording of the adagietto to several friends/boyfriends before and no one got it... I stopped doing it.


I accidentally let it play once in the car when I picked the girl up after work, she asked, "what are you listening to??" sigh...oh well. I can't listen to the 4th movement everyday as I get into a melancholic stupor that is hard to snap out of.

Edit: I'm very careful on what kind of music is playing in the car as I know 95% of the girls I've given rides to did not like and/or understand my choice in music, that 5% who actually does belongs to my mom and sister. But I think I must have burned the 4th movement in a hip-hop CD by mistake LOL.
Posted by: carey

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/26/10 09:59 PM

Originally Posted By: Rui725
Originally Posted By: Nadia
Originally Posted By: Rui725
I dated this girl once, during a outing one night with her best friend and room mate, she asked everyone this question: "If there was one thing you would want someone you love do for you, what would it be." We all had a bunch of wine and I answered truthfully. I said, I would want that other person to attend a performance of Mahler's 5th with me.

+1 for Mahler 5! I love that music, and I can only hope that my future partner would too...
I have played a recording of the adagietto to several friends/boyfriends before and no one got it... I stopped doing it.


I accidentally let it play once in the car when I picked the girl up after work, she asked, "what are you listening to??" sigh...oh well. I can't listen to the 4th movement everyday as I get into a melancholic stupor that is hard to snap out of.

Edit: I'm very careful on what kind of music is playing in the car as I know 95% of the girls I've given rides to did not like and/or understand my choice in music, that 5% who actually does belongs to my mom and sister. But I think I must have burned the 4th movement in a hip-hop CD by mistake LOL.


They're riding in YOUR car - so whether they "like" or "understand" YOUR choice of music for a few minutes is really THEIR problem - not yours. You are who you are and you shouldn't have to make excuses for the type of music you listen to. If they can't accept that, then perhaps you need to find other friends. Sorry to be so blunt - but you're actually doing these folks a big favor by exposing them to classical music. Perhaps it will help them become a bit more tolerant of diverse musical tastes. smile

Three cheers for your Mom and sister !!
Posted by: gooddog

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/26/10 10:29 PM

Originally Posted By: carey
They're riding in YOUR car - so whether they "like" or "understand" YOUR choice of music for a few minutes is really THEIR problem - not yours. You are who you are and you shouldn't have to make excuses for the type of music you listen to. If they can't accept that, then perhaps you need to find other friends.
Darn right! If you want a relationship you've got to be yourself right from the start. A relationship built on anything else will not survive and is not worth your time.
Posted by: 7yritch

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/26/10 10:54 PM

Originally Posted By: Kreisler
I can think of a few very successful pianist couples:

Misha and Cipa Dichter

Elisabeth and Eugene Pridonoff

John and Nancy Weems

Alvin Chow and Angela Cheng


I also know of a few couples who didn't make it, which probably means that pianist couples are just like all the other couples in the world. Some make it, some don't.



I would include Valentina Lisitsa and Alexei Kuznetsoff. They are a pianist couple that seem to be doing well.
Posted by: Opus_Maximus

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/27/10 12:21 AM

I've only ever dated pianists; not that it was any sort of conscious decision on my part but simply because I'd happened to have been be around more pianists than anybody else and we would, naturally, have a lot of things in common to spark conversation.

Strangely enough, while we would definitely have our share of music/piano related conversations, it never became competitive because we just sort of left our professional obligations and concerns at out at sea when we were together.

When you spend your entire waking life dealing with music and musicians, it is very satisfying to escape that world and discover new ones together, so naturally we would see movies, take walks, discuss literature, travel, etc...and piano played a minor role..
Posted by: Andromaque

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/27/10 12:53 AM

Yes, but I cannot help wonder if competition could play a negative role should both partners have a similar goal, e.g. performance..
I don't know of examples in music specifically, but in science for example, I know of several women whose career was negatively impacted by childbirth and raising their family while their husbands remained on track. Obviously in some cases, it was a conscious choice, and that is fine. But more often, things are murkier and some resentment starts to brew.This can get particularly difficult if both spouses work in similar fields , or, even worse, at the same institution. The opposite is also true when a woman's career is moving forward and her husband is struggling..
I suppose a brilliant career in music performance is statistically unlikely enough, that the issue may not be arise all that often.
Posted by: MarkH

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/27/10 01:32 AM

I've never had a relationship with a girl who wasn't a musician or at least musically trained. Classical music is such a big part of my life, I need my daily dose, and if I don't hear any for several days (say on a camping trip), I feel its lack and really need to satisfy my urge despite the fact that I've been listening to plenty of it in my head the whole time. My exes have played the flute, oboe, viola, piano, percussion, and a couple were singers (but they weren't formally trained divas). My current girlfriend plays classical guitar. I think in addition to it being such a big part of my life, it's probably one of the activities in which I'm most likely to share intimacy with someone I don't know well. So obviously anyone who shares my interest or appreciates my music making is automatically on an intimate basis with me. Is it any surprise then that all my girlfriends have been musicians?

Concerning competition in the relationship, the pianist was kind of competitive with me. I think she felt threatened by my greater technical skill, and was rather critical of my inferior sight-reading skill to compensate. However, I attribute that much more to her insecure personality than our playing the same instrument, as there were plenty of other non-musical examples of her aggressive insecurity. No regrets though. You live and you learn - and my guitarist is a keeper smile
Posted by: Nadia

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/27/10 06:00 PM

Originally Posted By: carey
You are who you are and you shouldn't have to make excuses for the type of music you listen to. If they can't accept that, then perhaps you need to find other friends. Sorry to be so blunt - but you're actually doing these folks a big favor by exposing them to classical music. Perhaps it will help them become a bit more tolerant of diverse musical tastes. smile

I think that might very well be the road to solitude and loneliness. It is not easy to find friends that adore Mahler 5, especially if your day job is not in the musical world, and we all know that being friends takes more than having one interest in common.
Posted by: izaldu

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/28/10 10:35 AM

My friends, my real friends, can t give a damn about what music i listen to or the books i read. They do find it a bit unusual but they are my mates, above all.
Same for the few serious girlfriends i' ve had. I can t see how having the same interets is necessary. Itmay help, maybe, but i can t see how it should be necessary.
Posted by: Rui725

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/28/10 12:54 PM

Originally Posted By: izaldu
My friends, my real friends, can t give a damn about what music i listen to or the books i read. They do find it a bit unusual but they are my mates, above all.
Same for the few serious girlfriends i' ve had. I can t see how having the same interets is necessary. Itmay help, maybe, but i can t see how it should be necessary.


It's nice to talk about music, compare interpretations, or just listen to the same pieces over and over.

Not many people, especially those in there mid 20's (other than musicians) care to understand music on such a deep level. Seems like there minds are pre-occupied with one thing: Money.
Posted by: BruceD

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/28/10 01:24 PM

Originally Posted By: izaldu
My friends, my real friends, can t give a damn about what music i listen to or the books i read. They do find it a bit unusual but they are my mates, above all.
Same for the few serious girlfriends i' ve had. I can t see how having the same interets is necessary. Itmay help, maybe, but i can t see how it should be necessary.


I guess it depends upon how all-consuming the interests are when they become passions. If you are passionate about music to the point that it takes up much of your spare time and your thinking and your significant other has no interest, then I would have to ask on what your mutual attractions might be based. If your interest is only casual and passing, then I would think a mutual focus on that interest would be less significant, provided that there are other interests that are mutual.

I can't fathom a relationship built upon interests that neither individual shares. My last significant and close friend loves music but has no training and not much experience in listening to classical music. While she certainly enjoyed hearing me play, we could never engage in much talk about music in any depth. However, we both have a pretty strong interest in literature and that has been a continuous bond that has kept our friendship very much alive.

Regards,
Posted by: ChopinAddict

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/28/10 05:03 PM

Originally Posted By: gooddog
Originally Posted By: carey
They're riding in YOUR car - so whether they "like" or "understand" YOUR choice of music for a few minutes is really THEIR problem - not yours. You are who you are and you shouldn't have to make excuses for the type of music you listen to. If they can't accept that, then perhaps you need to find other friends.
Darn right! If you want a relationship you've got to be yourself right from the start. A relationship built on anything else will not survive and is not worth your time.


When I was studying in Vienna I had a boyfriend who helped me move at some stage and he got rid of my classical music to replace it with crap because he said classical music made me depressed. I would have killed him!!!!!! mad cursing
I then made him buy me a new collection, but it was not the same and then we split altogether...
Posted by: Pogorelich.

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/28/10 06:33 PM

Originally Posted By: Rui725
Originally Posted By: izaldu
My friends, my real friends, can t give a damn about what music i listen to or the books i read. They do find it a bit unusual but they are my mates, above all.
Same for the few serious girlfriends i' ve had. I can t see how having the same interets is necessary. Itmay help, maybe, but i can t see how it should be necessary.


It's nice to talk about music, compare interpretations, or just listen to the same pieces over and over.

Not many people, especially those in there mid 20's (other than musicians) care to understand music on such a deep level. Seems like there minds are pre-occupied with one thing: Money.


Another plus for going to a music school.. all my friends are in their 20s and are all musicians. It's awesome. There's nothing better than practicing 5-6 hours a day and going to the bar later with fellow musicians for drinks..
Posted by: Rui725

Re: Pianists and relationships - 04/28/10 11:19 PM

Happy hour after practice, oh my! Green with envy. Enjoy it!
Posted by: TheFool

Re: Pianists and relationships - 05/01/10 03:32 PM

Girlfriend 1 : Liked nothing I played, found it inaccessible. Went so far as to say that Alberto De Ginastera was 'hideous'. (SACRILEGE!) Excepting, of course, a diabetically saccharine Einaudi I learned for a school grad. It ended. Thank GOD.

Girlfriend 2: Wonderful musician. Cello and piano, sight-read like you wouldn't believe and had the ears of a bat. Didn't understand the idea of taking turns at the piano. (Even on MY piano.) Thus. It ended.

Current girlfriend: Violinist, singer. Listened to my two pages of the Brahms Rhapsody in Gm and did a little dance of excitement. Subsequently made me go find my John Ogdon recording so we could listen to the full thing. :D:D:D

Stuff's chugging along, mostly because there's respect there for each other's musicality. I reckon that's more important than understanding; you're never going to find someone who has an exactly equivalent musical insight or sensibility to your own, so best you can hope for is someone who's appreciative of the differences.

My parents are like that; they work in very different fields (dance and theatre respectively) but they respect the other's work, even if they don't particularly gravitate to it themselves.
Posted by: Scrounger

Re: Pianists and relationships - 05/01/10 05:39 PM

Nope, the closest I came was dating an amateur guitarist. He was from Morocco, I played the bass guitar with him and a few others. This is despite having spent a few years in music school, where I found most people to be stand-offish and overly competitive. They were more interested in how cool they were on the piano than trying to find significant others wink

I think I would frustrate any classical musician I would attempt to date now, as on one hand I like classical, but I also like death metal and experimental industrial music.