But it is all fun anyway.
It is all part of the game we call LIFE !
The people I know recognise my voice, they accept it, they never question it and in virtually 100% of cases they do not think there is anything strange or horrible about it, to them it is simply me, but how I hate it.
Because when I hear me I sound awful, how does anybody put up with my terrible voice?
If I listen to a recording of friends talking I recognise all of them straight away, but then I hear this weird voice and I am told that it is ME!!
Well, that's life indeed.
I started playing the piano when I was 20. I remember quite clearly that I was so busy making the correct movements at the correct time that for probably about 10 years I never really and truly heard what I was playing. I simply did not have the capacity to perform all that AND listen!
Sitting relaxed listening to somebody else make your piano sound like the dream concert grand at The Carnegie or Royal Albert Hall is fine.
I think that what we should try to remember is that no matter what we hear when we play, we have the power to impress others as they impress us.
When I first played in a relaxed state of mind, trying out a piano in a chapel as a few friends talked to the vicar, I was astounded that they thought I was some sort of genius, I assure you I am not. A few 12 bar "tricks" some modern pop/rock, a bit of classical, just to amuse myself, they thought it was wonderful.
If I am set to play for somebody I get tense and am incapable of sounding the same.
That IS life. But some of it is an illusion. I want to learn to use the illusion for myself.
Playing the piano is a personal experience and I get get joy from it, but finding I can give great joy to others from my poor standards makes me feel really good. How can it be wrong to make others happy?
They always are.... it's great. But when I FEEL, not hear, when I FEEL I have played the scale of E Major over 4 octaves, both hands ascending and descending, alone, with nobody listening, more smoothly, more evenly, more completely than ever before, the joy I get from that is so great I simply don't have the words to express it.
I don't think I could say with any honesty that I actually HEAR a better performance though, even now, over 40 years later.
I could literally write a book on why I play the piano, what I get from it and the effect it has on my life. The original post here just touches on one tiny aspect of it and I have, effectively, taken paragraphs from different chapters in this response so this is a little confused.
But I do think we hear our own piano differently, just as we hear our own voice differently.
Of course, there is an alternative answer, perhaps we are wasting good practice time posting dozy replies on this forum while the talented pianists are stealing a lead on us all.
Now that really would be dreadful!