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Music Funnies hr

A collection of silly puns related to the piano and music in general.

Note: Some of these puns require a certain amount of technical knowledge about piano parts.

I have a friend who owns an old Steinway concert grand, and she lets her kitten sleep inside the piano, on top of the strings! When she told me, I could hardly believe that anyone would let something like that happen day after day after day. Wouldn't the cat hair ruin the strings? Last December or so she had the piano completely restrung---it seems like she would refrain from letting her cat sleep under the lid!

  • You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
    Answer: Yes you can, you simply adjust its scales. (answer contributed by Ken Natco)
  • Having a slow day? You sound board.
  • I'm not calling you a lyre!
  • Boy, you are really putting a damper on things.
  • Is the strap on a Bride's gown called a bridle strap?(Piano tuners would get it).
  • I'd like to hammer the point home.
  • Shanks for the memories.
  • Don't date a piano technician, he will just string you along.
  • What does a Steinway? About 800 pounds.(Steinway)
  • Yamaha = Yes mothers funny (ya-ma-ha)
  • Chickering = What you give your girlfriend.
  • Baldwin = People without hair win.
  • Why do pianos get so many headaches? Because their strings are under so much tension.
  • Why was the piano laughing? Because someone was tickling it's ivories.
  • You had better B# or you might get Ab.
  • Why do party goers love the inside of the piano? Because that's where the action is.
  • What has 3 legs, 52 teeth and loves to make music?
    Answer: A baby grand piano.
  • What has 88 keys but no locks?
    Answer: A piano.
  • When wrapping your music teacher's gifts at Christmas, wrap them with cello-phane.
  • Life is like a piano - what you get out of it depends on how you play it.
    (Contributed by Kim Fisher)
  • Q: What do you get if you drop a piano on an army camp?
    A: A flat major!
    (Contributed by Bruce Williams)
  • "I went to a concert once where the lady playing was so bad, that Mr. Steinway himself came down and personally erased his name off the piano."
    "One of the greatest love stories ever told: the great romance between a bagpipe and an octopus."
    (Contributed by Rod & Mary Pringle - Pringle's Music Shop
  • Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
    A: A flat minor!
    (Contributed by Gary Mulbach of CO).

If you would like to contibute some puns or musical jokes to "All About Pianos, Punny Stuff" , please send us a note ! Send A Note

The Bagpipers
Thank You to Wylie Johnson for submiting these jokes.

Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a perfect unison?
A. Shoot one.
Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up an bagpipe.
Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.
Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
Q. What's the difference between the Great Highland and Northumbrian bagpipes?
A. The GHB burns longer [but the Northumbrian burns hotter]
Q. What do you call bagpiper with half a brain?
A. Gifted.
Q. What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe?
A. You can tune the lawnmower, and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don't return it.
Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune bagpipe player, an out of tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
A. The out of tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you have been hallucinating.
Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
A. Add vibrato.
Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.
Q. What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead bagpiper in the road?
A. Skid marks in front of the snake.
Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
Q. What's the range of a bagpipe?
A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.
Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A. A bagpiper.
Q. What did the bagpiper get on his I.Q. test?
A. Drool.
Q. Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning?
A. They rarely strike the same spot twice.
Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A. Someone is blowing into it.
Q. Why is a bagpipe like a Scud missile?
A. Both are offensive and inaccurate.
Q. Why did the bagpiper get mad at the drummer?
A. He moved a drone and wouldn't tell him which one.
If you took all the bagpipers in the world and laid them end to end--
it would be a good idea.
Q. What do you call ten bagpipes at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A start.
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. To get away from the sound.
Tom: "Hey, Buddy. How late does the bagpipe band play?"
Buddy: "Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."
Q. Why do bagpipers always walk when they play?
A. Moving targets are harder to hit.
Q. Why do they call it a "kilt"?
A. Because a lot of people got kilt when they called it a skirt.
Q. What's one thing you never hear people say?
A. Oh, that's the bagpipe player's Porsche.
Q. What's the definition of "optimism"
A. A bagpiper with a beeper.

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